WARNING 1: This story contains farting
WARNING 2: This story is not real.
Me: "Hey, Mark, I want to tell you something that happened to me, but please, don't tell anybody, it's a secret"
Mark was curious, he wanted to know what kind of secret was that.
Mark: "I promise."
Me:
Okay, so, there is this girl who came at my house. We went into my room to play videogames. She was very good at playing videogames, she was always beating me. It was hard to win. Then... suddenly... oh, this is embarassing...
Mark: I'm your friend, you can tell me
Me:
Are you sure?
Mark: yes (smiles)
Me:
Well, suddenly, I heard a noise. Okay, let's say it, she farted. It was like... pfff. I tried to ignore it, but then I smelt it. Mark, the smell was nasty! I was about to pass out, no joke! I told her I was going to bring blueberry juice, but that was just a lame excuse to breathe some fresh air. I came back and she drank the blueberry juice. After a few seconds, she farted again. Can you believe it? The smell almost made me cry. I didn't want to embarass her, so I didn't tell her anything about it. As I left the room, she asked me, literally:"What? Can't you handle my farts?" and laughed. I asked her what did she eat, and she told me she only ate lettuce. I asked her, jokingly, "I wonder what your farts will be like if you eat baked beans". She told me:"wanna try?". At that point, I didn't know what to reply. I was willing to try, just to see how stinky those farts would be. But on the other hand, if I replied "yes" she would have probably laughed at me. She told me she would give me money if I could stand her farts. I accepted her challenge. I went to her house that evening, and she was eating A LOT of baked beans. She said:"I'm gonna kill you tonight" and giggled. I was scared, but I was happy to do this challenge.
I told her:"I'm not going to lose". Yeah, you know, I wanted her to utter those damn sexy sentences. She then said:"You're going to die from the stink, there's no chance you'll survive", and giggled. Mark, you can't understand how I was feeling at that moment. She was really going to kill me! My heart was beating so fast. I tried to make her say some more sexy phrases. I told her I could breathe everything deeply without any consequence, and then she told me that I would regret challenging her. After, like, 10 minutes? She ate many plates of baked beans. She told me to come to her room. She lied on her bed and told me to put my nose near her butt. She said:"Prepare to be gassed!" and giggled. After not even a minute, she farted on my nose. The smell was TOXIC! I thought that if I breathed that thing I would have died! I gave up very quickly and left her room, which has become unlivable from the smell. Not even a mosquito would have survived that! She's like a biological weapon, and surely, no one would have stayed in that room for long. Sometimes I chat with her on my mobile phone, but remembering what happened is very embarassing
Mark:"Nice story. I wish I were you!"
Me:"I will let you know her, sure you'll be best friends!"