Martin is an 18 year old guy from Lerwick, in the Shetland Islands, Scotland, UK. It's a small town located at a latitude of 60 degrees north, with a subpolar oceanic climate that is unusually warm for that latitude (like most of coastal north-western Europe), due to the North Atlantic Current. It's a really fun fact for climatology nerds! However, Martin was not one. He couldn't care less about climates, average temperatures, precipitation, or the Köppen climate classification system. No, he cared about other things, and one of those things was... girls' farts, and especially if they smelled really bad. He didn't have much luck so far, but he kept hoping. Lately, he's been considering asking his mom to fart on his face, but he was feeling a little strange about it, "what if it's a bad thing to do?", he thought to himself, but then he remembered that he regularly eats spaghetti, which is definitely worse than asking your mom to fart on your face, so he realised that his plan was not so bad after all. Eating spaghetti didn't use to be such a big deal in the past, but the youth in Europe is starting to become more spaghettophobic lately, and the UK government is considering being one of the first countries worldwide to ban spaghetti in the following years, to avoid causing anxiety to young people, who may accidentally choke on spaghetti and lose their lives in such a juicy way. "No big deal, there are other foods that can make my mom super gassy... beans, broccoli and potatoes, yes, indeed... I've heard that they make my mom's farts smell terrible... I vaguely remember her mentioning it. I must act on my plan, now!", he thought, super excited but also happily nervous (a quite mixed emotion, but mostly positive). His heart was beating fast, he was panting, trembling, he knew he'd be stuttering when mentioning anything related to farts around his mom, "but I must do it!", he thought, feeling very determined. His heart was going ⁓doki♥♡♥doki⁓ but with a smile on his face, he decided to act on his plan.
He got a failing grade on a math subject: Calculus II. Martin is a very intelligent guy, but he prefers playing videogames rather than studying, which he considers a boring and exhausting activity. His mom certainly couldn't blame him.
"What, Martin? Why are you showing me this? Are you telling me you're feeling sad because you got a failing grade?", said his mom, a sweet and kind 36 year old woman: Erika. She was giggling at the thought that Martin would feel sad for something like that, "Martin, your worth is not measured by your school grades, hehe⁓", she said, giggling warmly and ruffling Martin's hair.
"Pft, that's not the problem, mom!", he replied, putting on some sunglasses that he found on a table nearby for dramatic effect, "the problem is that the Platinum World, an indoor amusement park for adults, requires adult verification. The only way to verify your age is to have at least a 75/100 grade on a 12th grade school subject. The test is provided directly by the Platinum World amusement park, and they temporarily confiscate all of your electronic devices while you perform the test. You're not even allowed to use a calculator! They say an ID card isn't valid, because it can be easily faked nowadays. I'm good at math, but I'm kinda lazy, mom, that Calculus II test is something I can pass! I need some motivation, mom, can you help me?", he said, and he was so nervous, because right after that he'd need to explain to his mom what it is that he wanted. 'I need to be subtle, but also clear... I'll try my best', he thought, while his heart was still beating fast.
"Martin, you can do it!", his mom said, grinning and making a little funny dance to encourage him, "you're so smart, Martin, I have no doubt that you can pass the test!", she said, gesturing happily like a cheerleader.
"Well, mom, as I told you, it's not that I'm not smart, the problem is that I'm lazy. Can you help me?", Martin asked, 'this is it... it's going well so far', he thought to himself, excited.
"Ara ara, how do you want me to help you, sweetie?⁓", she asked, smiling curiously, "you know I'd do anything for you, Martin⁓", she said, really willing to do anything to help her amazing son!
"Uh, mom... can I ask you a weird question? It's a little bit embarrassing, but...", Martin was feeling cold sweat in his hands, but he also never felt so excited in his life ever before! 'It's now or never!', he thought, and he knew he should be careful and not make any mistake! This is the decisive moment.
"You can ask me anything, sweetie! And don't be embarrassed, I've seen you wearing a blue t-shirt made of pure cotton without a single trace of polyester, I'm ready for anything, fufu⁓", Erika said, with a warm and encouraging tone. She definitely didn't want Martin to be embarrassed around her, she wanted to let him know that he could ask her anything he wants!
"So, uh... are your farts usually very stinky?", Martin asked. 'I did it...', he thought. Time felt like it was frozen, and Martin felt hot and his heart was racing 64 beats every 30 seconds. Now that he asked that question, the only thing he could do was waiting for his mom's answer. 'If this goes well... oh gosh...', he thought, incredibly excited about what could soon be coming.
Erika laughed, she was not expecting that question at all! "Haha, you're so funny, Martin! I love your sense of humour! To answer your question, well, sweetie, that depends, sometimes my farts are stinky, sometimes not⁓", Erika said, smiling warmly, she didn't mind that question at all.
'Damn, this is not what I wanted to hear', thought Martin: he wanted to smell extremely stinky farts. If a girl farted and it didn't smell, or if it smelled lightly, he was not interested, he was interested specifically in girls and women who have extremely stinky farts. Luckily, he vaguely remembered that there were foods that made his mom's farts really stinky, but he was not entirely sure whether that was really the case. 'This is my last chance, I have to ask her this question. If things go well, it's going to be heaven!', he thought, really excited. This was surely the decisive moment! "What if you eat, say... beans, broccoli and potatoes?", asked Martin, curious.
Erika giggled, she was kinda proud of what she was about to say: "oh, sweetie, if I eat that stuff, my farts get nuclear! Years ago I ate a soup of beans, broccoli and potatoes, and when I let one rip in my bedroom, your dad yelled 'WHAT'S THAT PONG?' and ran away from our bedroom. The smell was still there 30 minutes later!", she said, giggling, she was very proud of how bad that fart smelled!
'Yes, this is what I wanted to hear!', thought Martin, excited, 'I shall make no mistakes now... how do I make this conversation about her farting on my nose? Let's see... ah, yes, the Platinum World! I have an idea...', he thought, feeling more excited than ever! "So, mom... do you think I could handle the smell if you eat all that stuff and then farted on my nose?"
Erika laughed, she was finding the conversation really fun! "No, sweetie, my farts are too stinky when I eat the stuff you mentioned. Don't worry, though, I won't eat that stuff, hehe⁓", she said, smiling and being silly.
'But I do want you to eat that stuff, mom', Martin thought, with a mental smirk, "But I do want you to eat that stuff, mom!", he actually said it out loud!
Erika laughed again, "oh, dear, and why would you want me to do that?", she was very entertained by the conversation. 'My son is so silly, I love him and I always will!', she thought to herself, happy.
"B-because I need with practicing math, remember?", Martin said, stuttering a little bit, he was so excited and yet so nervous that he wasn't good at explaining things properly, but luckily for him, his mom vaguely understood what he meant.
"Wait a moment... you're saying that you want me to help you with math using my stinky farts?", Erika said, a bit confused but accepting.
"Y-yes, mom! Everytime I answer incorrectly, you fart on my nose", Martin said. Cold sweat was falling from his face, he was already worrying that things may not go as he wished, 'but if they go right... oh gosh... it'd be heaven... come on...', he thought, euphoric.
Erika laughed, "if I farted on your nose after eating what you asked me to eat, you'd run away gagging and lock yourself in your room! I don't think it'll work, sweetie", she said, smiling.
'How nice it is to hear my mom saying these things... the anticipation is rising... I feel hot...', he thought. "Yeah, that's why you have to make sure that I can't escape! Like, tie me up or something!", he said, shivering a little, 'oh gosh, am I really saying these things? Everything feels so dreamy...'
Erika blushed a little and giggled, "Are you sure, sweetie? The last time I ate beans, broccoli and potatoes together, dad had to sleep on the living room the whole night, remember? My farts become a biohazard!", she said, smiling.
"Mom, please, it's important! If I don't pass the test, I can't prove that I'm an adult, and I can't access the Platinum World! I've always wanted to go there, it's amazing amusement park, there's lots of stuff to do, please, mom!", said Martin, but in reality, he cared equally about being farted on as he cared about going to the Platinum World. He did want to go to the Platinum World and was excited to go there, but he also wanted to get farted on, but to his mom, he only admitted the former. 'I do want to go to the Platinum World, and I also want to be farted on. I guess I really will get better at math if my mom farts on my nose everytime I answer incorrectly. I'm so lucky, two good things will come at once! Yay!', he thought.
"Ok ok, sweetie, I'll do it for you. But I think we need to have some sort of safe word, you know, my farts will be toxic, hehe⁓", she said, winking. She was proud of how stinky her farts could be, even though she didn't want to admit it directly.
"No, mom, why? If I could just use a safe word and get away, that wouldn't motivate me to get better at math, and I'll never be able to have fun in the Platinum World! You don't want me to have fun there?", Martin said, trying his best to convince her.
"Aww, poor baby", his mom said, ruffling his hair and feeling sorry, "that amusement park must be so important for you. I'll do anything to help you, sweetie. After lunch, I'll help you with math. I'll eat beans, broccoli and potatoes, we're doing this⁓", she said, smiling like an angel.
"Thank you, mom! You're the best mom ever!", said Martin, excited, and hugged his mom warmly.
She smiled. "You're welcome, sweetie. Anything for you⁓", she said, hugging him back a little tighter. After some time, it was time for lunch, and Erika was cooking the meal: beans, broccoli and potatoes for herself, and spaghetti for Martin, because she knows he loves them. She didn't judge her son for liking spaghetti, she was open-minded, she thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with eating spaghetti, because everyone has different tastes and preferences, 'and that's fine!', she thought, smiling. "Lunch is ready, sweetie⁓", she said, warmly, and Martin was excited for the lunch and also because, well, his mom's farts.
He blushed a little, because it was embarrassing to admit that he liked spaghetti, nobody except he and his parents knew he liked spaghetti, it was a little secret between him and his family. Young people were especially hostile against people who liked spaghetti, especially in the last few years, the hostility grew, and the UK government is seriously considering banning spaghetti in a few years. 'We can no longer tolerate people choking to death from spaghetti, that elongated shape is dangerous and can get stuck inside one's throat, we must do something about it! We must throw anyone who eats spaghetti into a jail, so that they're safe... from spaghetti, at least!', a member of the parliament said, and many people agreed energetically, baby! ♫ Oh, yeah, whoa-ah, let's eat honey, honey, whoa-ah-ah, live to have fun while we're still alive, na-na-na, la-la-la, fuck yeah, let's dance on the dancefloor, babe, come on, give me a kiss, let's get giddy in this disco, oh yeah, me and you go crazy on the dancefloor, kiss me babe, la-la-la ♫ A few decades earlier, nobody even remotely thought that there was anything evil about eating spaghetti, but people's opinions change over time, people change ♫ you've changed, babe, you're not the one you used to be, I feel giddy (giddy-giddy), feelings crazy, what the hell, screw these feelings, whoa-ah-ah, kiss me stupid, let's get crazy on the dancefloor, babe ♫ "Thank you, mom!", Martin said, blushing and smiling, and starting to eat spaghetti. His mom didn't say anything, she just smiled and winked at him, and she started eating her meal, knowing that it'll make her very gassy!
After Martin and his mom finished eating, it was time! Martin was feeling anxious, he remembered something, a detail that he immediately realised, a plothole that risked ruining everything: he seriously risked not being facefarted by his mom. He trembled, 'oh no', he thought...
"Is there something wrong, Martin? Let's start the studying session, shall we?", Erika said, a little worried but still smiling, she wanted the best for her son!
"M-mom?", Martin said, stuttering a little.
"Mhhh?", Erika wondered, still smiling.
"T-there may be a problem...", he said, anxious.
"What problem?", she asked, curious.
"You know Calculus II, right? How will you make sure that the answers I'll give will be correct?", he asked. If his mom didn't know Calculus II, the whole premise of the studying session would crumble, because she wouldn't be able to verify the answers. 'Oh gosh, this is bad... I hope she does know Calculus II...', he thought.
"No, I don't know Calculus II", she said, and Martin felt like his heart shattered to pieces, "but that's not a problem. You know, humankind has created technology for us to live better lives!", she said, walking towards a shelf in the kitchen and taking out a thin, rectangular-shaped communication device. She smiled and looked at Martin, "this, Martin, is a Ouija board!", she explained, "we're lucky, one of your distant ancestors was David Hilbert, he was one of the best mathematicians of his time! We can call him and he'll confirm whether or not the answers you'll give are correct!", she said, happy.
Martin let out a sigh of relief, "phew, mom, I was worried for a moment. Yeah, Ouija boards are becoming more popular lately, so sure, let's use it! Thanks to the Ouija boards, all the world's information is at out fingertips! This is the best moment in the entire history of humankind!", he said, smiling. He was very optimistic in the advance of technology! He said "phew" in relief, but soon he'll say "phew" for a different reason!
"For sure, Martin, Ouija boards are a blessing!", Erika said, smiling, "now sweetie, sit down behind this chair, I'm going to get you into position, fufufu⁓", she said, ready to start, she was feeling really gassy! Martin sat down behind the chair, just like his mom said, then she tied his arms to the legs of the chair, she sat down on the chair, then she used a belt that looped from behind Martin's nape to in front of Erika's upper legs, "that'll make sure your nose will stay in place, hehe⁓", she said, entertained by the situation.
"Haha! Mom, thanks to you, I'm going to ace that test! I'll have so much fun in the Platinum World! So, please, mom, let's do this every day until I'll answer at least 75% of the questions correctly! Don't allow me to refuse, even if I change my mind later!", Martin said, determined. 'Oof, I'm going to smell a lot of farts from my mom this way, and I'll also get better at this stupid test I have to do to get allowed into that place!', he thought to himself, happy.
"Gotcha⁓♫", she said, grinning happily, "now I'm going to connect with David Hilbert. Hold on a sec", she said, getting ready, "OH, DAVID HILBERT, I SUMMON YOU! COM' HERE MAN!", she yelled, as if she had to be heard from someone on the other side of the world.
"Uh... did it work, mom?", Martin asked, his voice was slightly muffled by Erika's ass.
"I don't know, we'll find out, I guess!", she said, shrugging, "here I have a test directly from the Platinum World. Each test is different, so you can't learn all the answers by heart, but it's good as practice!", she explained, smiling. She wanted to help her son at all costs! Erika was sitting down on the chair, with her pants pulled down, while Martin was sitting on the floor. With the belt around her waist and the back of his neck, Martin's nose was right on his mom's butthole and the belt made it impossible to move, so, if she farted, the fart would get right on his nostrils, and he can't do anything to prevent it. "First question: uh... how do I pronounce this? It's full of weird letters and symbols! I'm not Greek, I'm from the Shetland Islands!", she said, confused, "I know how to solve this problem!", she said, giving Martin a special pair of glasses that connected directly to the test through Banshee energy, which was becoming more popular lately, and it was used to broadcast shows from a distant place right to an empty canvas! Unfortunately for now it can only broadcast just sequences of black and white images, but it's more than enough for a Calculus II test.
"I can see it now. But mom, how can I do this without a piece of paper? Do I really have to perform this problem just in my mind?", he asked.
"Yes, sweetie, but look at the bright side, once you become good at it, doing it with paper will become a piece of cake! I'll give you 10 minutes, if you don't answer by then, I'll fart on you⁓", she said, excited.
"Understood", Martin said, gulping. After about 9 minutes, his mom warned him that time was ticking. He didn't know the answer, he tried but couldn't keep all that information in his mind at once. He gave a random answer, because giving a random answer gives a better chance at passing compared to not answering at all. This kind of training encourages making up things. By the way, this is how fairies and the other creatures of the forest are trained, that's why they make up stuff when they don't know the answer to something!
"The answer is nine!", Martin said, sounding confident, even though he made the answer up. 'Maybe it's correct? My mom cannot know. Did she really summon David Hilbert?', he thought to himself, curious.
"Sweetie, the planchette is moving! Mr Hilbert is about to let us know if your answer is correct! Isn't it amazing? David Hilbert, is the answer that my son gave correct? Just say yes or no, please!", Erika's subtle micro-movements moved the planchette, David Hilbert sent information into her subconscious mind, and that permits her to know the correct answer! The Ouija board has numbers, letters, and most importantly, the answers for "yes" or "no". The planchette moved to "no", and then stopped moving.
"Mr Hilbert has said your answer was incorrect. You know what that means, right, sweetie? Hehe, don't worry, though, it'll become a piece of cake eventually. But for now, the piece of cake will have extra cheese in it, hehe⁓", she said, giggling, "nnngghhh...⁓"
*PPPBBBRRRRTTTSSSFFF*
A noxious fart was released right into Martin's nose. He suddenly understood the true power of her mephitic farts. He immediately regretted what he asked, but now, he has to do it every day, and has no choice. He felt his eyes burning and wanted to puke, the smell was so strong, it smelt like very sour and potent rotten cabbage, and everytime he took a breath in he felt like he was going to die. Erika, on the other hand, was feeling mildly aroused at the thought that the ghost of one of the greatest mathematicians of the 19th century was seeing one of his descendants letting stinky farts rip right on her son's nose.
"*sniffs* PUAAAHHH!!! IT'S DEADLY, MOM!", Martin said, he was much stinkier than he imagined would had been.
His mom was giggling. "Does it stink? Haha! Told you so⁓", she didn't imagine that farting on her son's face would had been so fun, "here's the next question!", she said, sending the next question to the Banshee-powered glasses that Martin was wearing. He was still overwhelmed by the stench, Erika's farts were not only were stinky, but they also lingered for a while, and Martin was gagging and feeling like his lungs were burning from the stench, he couldn't concentrate well on the question, but he tried.
"Jeez, mom, your farts are legit toxic...", he says, still gagging a little, "but I can't do the test without paper... doing it with all in my mind is insane...", he said, "...but I'll try! It's for the Platinum World!"
"Good boy⁓", Erika said, warmly, "you have 10 minutes to answer this question"
9 minutes have passed, and Martin still couldn't answer. He decided to answer randomly. 'I'll answer nine again. Eventually there must be a problem whose answer is nine!', he thought. "Nine!", he said, hoping it was the correct answer, and being afraid of the next fart.
"Let's see what Mr Hilbert has to say about that⁓", Erika said, and the planchette started moving towards the "no", and it stopped there, "Error: your answer was incorrect! Some nasty gas will be ejected⁓", she said, dramatically and giggling, she was having so much fun, "nnnggghhh⁓"
*PBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF*
"PUUU!!!", Martin screamed, "MOM, YOUR FARTS ARE GOING TO KILL ME, WHAT THE HELL!", he screamed, with his eyes watering. He tries to move his nose away from his mom's ass, but there was no use: the belt kept his nose in place.
Erika just laughed, "that's what you asked me, silly, already forgot? Hehe, I warned you that my farts are very stinky when I eat beans, broccoli and potatoes⁓", she was enjoying this moment, "Next question!", she said, sending the next question to Martin's glasses.
'I'm going to die for real... ugh...', Martin thought, but now he was getting slightly better at solving Calculus II problems. Still nowhere good enough to actually solving them, though. 'I'll have to use these 10 minutes to think about the problem...', he thought, but it was still way too complex to keep all that information in his mind. 'I'm still not good enough... damn...', he thought, "Nine! The answer is nine!", he said.
Erika didn't say anything, the planchette was moving on its own, and it stopped at "no". "Sorry sweetie but your answer is wrong again!", she said, "nnnggghhh⁓"
*PBRPBRPBRTSTSTSFFF*
"Mom, it really stinks *sniffs* GAAAHHH..., please let me go, it stinks like crazy, I'm going to die!", Martin said, overwhelmed by the stench.
"I'm sorry, sweetie, I can't do it, you asked me not to stop, no matter how bad my farts smell"
"But... (crying voice) everytime I take a whiff *sniff* AUUUHHH *gags* I get a headache", Martin couldn't even speak properly anymore, Erika's farts smelled worse than rotten eggs and hot garbage.
"I know it stinks, sweetie, but you asked me to! Thanks to me, you'll prove that you're an adult and get access to the Platinum World! It's the best adult amusement park ever!", she said, excited, and wanting her son to get access to that fun.
"(Crying voice) Mom, please, I can't handle it, *sniffs* PUUUAAAHHH IT'S UNBEARABLE!!!", Martin said, it's as if a concentrated rotten egg spray lingered inside his nostrils.
"Next question!", said Erika, smiling and sending the next question to Martin's glasses.
A few hours passed, and eventually, Martin got one answer right. Whether it was from pure coincidence or because he was starting to get more skilled, his mom did not know. "Ara ara⁓", she said, surprised, "making progress, are we? Well then, the studying session is over for today", she said, untying Martin.
"I thought I was going to die!", he said, gasping for air.
"Fufufu, tomorrow we'll do it again⁓", she said, "would you like the s-word food for dinner this evening?", she asked, obviously referring to spaghetti.
"Yeah! Let's cover the windows with the curtains!", he said, he was really excited to eat spaghetti, it was his favourite food, but the UK government deployed an army of elves that often peeked inside people's homes to ensure their safety. If anyone was caught eating spaghetti, the elf would keep staring at the person who was watching spaghetti. The elves are not allowed to intervene: if someone chokes to death from spaghetti, the death is simply reported to the police, so that they can have more data in favour of banning spaghetti. Most people no longer eat spaghetti nowadays, it's considered yucky, and if they do, they make sure nobody else knows about it, it's very embarrassing to eat that stuff! So, whenever Martin ate spaghetti, he and his mom covered the windows so that no elf could see it. Lately, due to deforestation, humans and the creatures of the forest started interacting more often, to such an extent that it has become a common phenomenon. Governments around the world are starting to ask those creatures for help, more and more often. It is believed by some that the creatures of the forest are fairier (hehe~), much less corrupted than human beings. Some are worried that they may replace human beings. Questions arise: what if orcs develop their own goals that are not aligned with those of humans? Can the human military stand any chance against an army of super-intelligent goblins? The Platinum World itself is guarded by a gnome armed with an axe: it is him who gives the tests and makes sure that humans do not cheat. If a human cheats, they'll get beheaded by the gnome. "Mom, the elves are so annoying! Can't they mind their own business for once?", Martin said, annoyed.
Erika giggled. "It's for our own good, they say", she said, smiling, "but at least you can still eat what you like. Just in private, but you can do it", she said, starting to boil the water for the spaghetti.
"Yeah, for now! They're going to make spaghetti illegal eventually, even for those who have proven to be adults", said Martin, disappointed, groaning.
"That's why I say 'seize the day'. Have fun while you can, enjoy every moment of your life. Nice moments don't necessarily last forever, that's why they're so precious⁓", she said.
Martin thought about it and smiled. He thought that was a nice attitude to have. "Yeah, mom, you're right! Thanks!", he said, hugging her. She hugged him back. The dinner was ready, "yay, I love this food!", he said, blushing, and slurping the spaghetti.
Erika giggled, "I take that as a sign of appreciation", she said, smiling. She was glad of making Martin happy, and she'd do anything for him.
"Definitely!", he said, finishing his meal really quickly, "ah, I'm full! Thanks, mom, that was an amazing dinner!"
"You're welcome, sweetie, I'd do anything to make you happy⁓", she said, smiling warmly.
The next day, Erika ate beans, broccoli and potatoes again for lunch. "We'll keep doing this every day until you'll get at least 75% of the answers right! That's what you asked me, after all!", she said, and Martin groaned.
"Yeah, mom, I did ask for that. Eh, fine...", he said, knowing that he was in this situation because that's literally what he asked. 'On the bright side, if I get good enough, I can get access to the Platinum World. I wonder what it's like. Even to see images of it, you need to prove that you're an adult', he thought to himself, excited.
Erika patted her belly, "that was delicious! So, Martin, let's start. Sit on the floor behind the chair, we're practicing math again!", she said, sitting on the chair, "come on⁓", she said, inviting Martin to sit on the floor, behind her. Martin knew from yesterday's experience that her farts were going to be unbearable, but he had no other choice, so he sat down on the floor behind her, and Erika tied him up and used the belt to keep his nose on her ass. "OH, DAVID HILBERT, I SUMMON YOU! HELP US WITH THE MATH TEST LIKE YOU DID YESTERDAY!", she yelled, as if her message had to be heard from the South Shetland Islands (an archipelago close to the Antarctic peninsula, which, fun fact, contains Villa Las Estrellas, one of the only two civilian settlements in Antarctica). "Alright, sweetie, I called Mr Hilbert, let's try again, like we did yesterday⁓", she said, sending the first question of the new test to Martin's glasses. The tests are all written by Mr Bobo, a super-intelligent chimpanzee who can write millions of different tests per second. There was no use of learning the answers by heart: each test was different.
Martin concentrated, his mind was getting smarter, faster, and more efficient. "The answer is one ninth!", he said, pretty confident.
"Let Mr Hilbert be the judge of that! Mr Hilbert, is the answer one ninth?", she said, and the planchette started moving. There was suspence for both Martin and Erika. After a few seconds, the planchette parked at the "yes" spot on the Ouija board. "The answer is correct, Martin! Hehe, I guess I'll have to hold it in for now⁓", she said, giggling, "Next question!", she said, sending the next question to Martin's glasses.
'I got it right by a miracle', he thought, 'but I'm getting better at storing more information into my short term memory... if I keep improving like this, I'll get access to the Platinum World in less than one month! I can do it! Oh gosh, this question is too difficult, though... focus, Martin, focus, uuugggh... if I don't answer correctly I'll get stink-bombed again... grrr...', he thought, but even though he tried his best, this time he couldn't answer. 'Giving a random answer is better than giving no answer at all!', he thought. "Nine, the answer is nine!", he said.
The planchette moved to the "no" spot and stopped there. "Nope, sweetie, wrong answer, nnnggghhh⁓"
*PBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF*
"*sniffs* PUAAAHHH!!! MOM IT'S DEADLY!!! *sniffs* AAAHHH!!! THIS ONE IS *sniffs* PUUU!!! THIS ONE IS *sniffs* AAAHHHUUU!!! *sniffs* PUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *sniffs* *dry retches* (feeble voice) mom, please, it's *sniffs* iiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhh uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh *sniffs* PUAAA... *sniffs* *dry retches* mom... your farts could knock out an elephant, *sniffs* PUUUU!!!..."
Martin didn't want to breathe in that noxious stench anymore, he was trying not to breathe, but of course, it was useless.
"Next question, sweetie, you know how it is, hehe⁓", she said, sending yet another question to Martin's glasses.
"Uuuggghhh...", Martin was feeling dizzy from the lingering stench, his throat was rotting, but he tried to concentrate on the test anyway. Still, nothing, he couldn't answer. "N-nine...", he was afraid that his answer was incorrect. Planchette on the "no" = another fart right up his nostrils.
"Incorrect! Here's another fart, sweetie, it's for you, nnnggghhh⁓"
*PPPBBBRRRTTTSSSFFF*
"Hehe, breathe it in⁓", she said, giggling, "next question!"
[...] "Nine!" [...]
"Wrong again! Nnnggghhh!!!"
⁓PBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF⁓
"Aaahhh, this one was bubbly and hot... phew, so rancid, hehe⁓", Erika bragged about her own fart.
[...] "Ok, I got this one! I'm sure it's correct! Four fifths!" [...]
The planchette moved on the "yes". "Yes, it's correct! But we still got a lot more time, next question!
[...] "Eight!" [...]
"Nope! Ngh!"
*PBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF*
"Mguaaahhh...", Martin sounded like a dying whale: his mom has truly awful farts!
[...] "Seven..." [...]
"Nah, it's wrong... mnghm⁓..."
*PBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF*
"MGAAAHHH!!! IT STINKS LIKE HELL!", Martin whined and cried, but the studying session was not over yet.
After a few hours, the studying session was over, and Erika gave him the result. "20%. You're improving fast, sweetie. You're my little genius⁓", she said, ruffling his hair. Get ready, tomorrow we'll do this again, and the next day, until you get at least 75%!", she said, warmly.
[...] "DAVID HILBERT, I SUMMON YOU AGAIN!" [...]
"Two thirds?" - "Correct! Next question!"
[...]
PRRRRRRFFFFFFTTTTTT!!!!!!
"*sniffs* PUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! MOM, YOUR FARTS *sniffs* AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUU PUUU PUUU PUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!"
"(giggles) My farts reek, uh? Thank you, sweety, I'm pretty proud of them (giggles again)"
[...]
"Nope, wrong again!"
*PFFFFFFTTT*
A silent but deadly fart was released into Martin's nose.
"MOM, IT'S MELTING MY FACE *sniffs* PUUUAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! NGGGGGGGGG!!! UUUHHH UHHH UHHH!!! *sniffs* AUUUAAAAUUUUUAAAAAAUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! *sniffs* PUUU PUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! MOM PLEASE DON'T *sniffs* GYAAAAAAUUUUUU PUUUAAAHHH!!!"
'I'm not going to survive', thought Martin.
"Next question!"
[...] "Seven?"
"That's not the correct answer, sweetie! Nnnggghhh⁓"
*PRRRRRRFFFFFFTTTTTT!!!!!!*
"*sniffs* PUUUUUU PUUUUUU PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU PUUUAAAUUUAAAUUU!!! IT'S INSANE HOW BAD YOUR FARTS STINK!!! *sniffs* PUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
[...] "Six! I'm sure of this one!" [...]
"Yes, sweetie, this one was correct! But I think my farts are lingering in your nostrils anyway, don't they? Hehe⁓"
[...] "30%! You're getting a lot better!" [...]
⏲ Martin kept getting better and better every day, but after a couple weeks it seemed like he was plateauing close to 50% ⏲
"You need some extra help, but you'll get there eventually! Don't give up!", Erika said, encouraging Martin to do his best, but Martin was horrified by being farted on so often, and with farts so stinky. It had always been his fantasy to be farted on by a woman, pretty much any woman, it didn't matter if it was his mom, but her farts were noxious!
"Your farts are going to be the end of me, ugh...", Martin said, sticking his head outside of the window to breathe some fresh air, but also making sure that no elf was looking at him.
"Don't give up, sweetie! Remember, the Platinum World is waiting for you to prove that you're an adult! You're strong, you can do it!", she said, encouraging him and doing a gesture with her "muscles" (not that she was strong, it was simply a gesture).
"Ugh... at this point I'm losing hopes!", he said, groaning.
"No, sweetie, you're smart, you're my little genius, remember? You can definitely do it!", she said, warm and cheerful, "let's have lunch now! As usual, I'll be eating beans, broccoli and potatoes!", she said, starting to eat. Martin asked her to not cook spaghetti for him too often. Not only because the elves could become suspicious if the curtains were closed too often, but also because, in his own words:
'Good things are not as special if they happen every day'.
So, he was eating rice with curry and vegetables. Afte they finished lunch, Erika invited him to sit behind her on the floor. It had become a routine for the last couple weeks.
"DAVID HILBERT, RISE!", she yelled, with an almost demonic voice, "ok, sweetie, we can start the studying session now, hehe⁓", she said, with a warm, cute and gentle voice, sending the first question to Martin's glasses. He tried his best...
"Ten!"
David Hilbert had spoken: the planchette moved to "yes". "Yes, sweetie, that's right, but can you surpass 75%? Hehe⁓", she said, giggling, "Next question!"
[...]
*PRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!*
"MOM PLEASE LET ME GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! *sniffs* GYAAAUUUAAAUUU!!!!!! PUUUAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! *sniffs* AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! CAN I SMELL FRESH AIR FOR A MO... *sniffs* IIIIIIIIIUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! *sniffs* PIIIIUUUU!!!!"
"I'm sorry, dear, you asked for it, now you're going to smell mommy's broccoli and bean farts every day, well, unless you give at least 75% correct answers (smiles). Now, next question!"
"OKAY I WON'T BREATHE ANYMORE!!!"
"You can't do it, my dear, you have to breathe! And it's going to be the stinky air that comes from my butt, hehe⁓"
"Grrr... the answer is eight!"
The planchette moved to "no".
*PFFFTTT*
Martin went 40 seconds without breathing, but then he had to do it, and the exact same moment he started breathing again, his mom let out another rancid fart.
*PUFFFTTTFFFTTT!!!*
"That's because you tried to hold in your breath⁓", Erika said, gleefully.
'Oh no', thought Martin.
"*sniffs* *has blurred vision* PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *CRIES LOUDLY*"
"Don't cry, sweetie, we have one hour and 48 minutes left today (smiles). Next question!"
"Two!"
*PFFFTTT*
"*sniffs* PUUUUUUUUU NOOOOOOOOO *sniffs* PUAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
"Next question!", Erika said, sending another math problem to Martin's glasses.
"I don't know... this one is too difficult"
*PRRRFFFTTT*
"*has tears in his eyes* Eh no, mom, I won't breathe this time..."
"You can't stop breathing, sweetie⁓"
"I will breathe a lot less...... *sniffs* PUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! HELP MEEE!!!! IT STINKS DOWN HERE!!!!!!"
"Hehehe"
"How much time is left?"
"One hour and 45 minutes. Next question!"
"Four!"
*PFFFTTT*
"I will breathe a lot less, mom, that's the only way to bypass your punishment, I'm a genius...... *sniffs* PAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUU UUUHHH UHHHH UHHH!!! *teary eyes*"
"Did you really think that was going to work? HAHAHA!!!", Erika said, laughing. She was enjoying dominating her son with her horrible farts.
After about a hour and a half, the studying session was over.
"55%! It's a new record of yours! You're improving slowly, but you're going to reach 75% eventually! Keep going! My stinky farts are working wonders⁓", she said, happy.
⏲ Three days later ⏲
"SIR HILBERT, I INVOKE THEE!"
"Three!"
*PRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF*
"No, mom, I can't, the stench is horrible *his eyes water but he has to breathe, but the air reeks because his nose was right on his mom's ass, right between her buttcheeks* *sniffs heavily* AAAUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dry retches a lot* *cries* (crying voice) MOM IT STINKS SO MUCH!!! DON'T LET ME DIE HERE!!! *sniffs* AAAUUUUUU PUUUAAAAAA!!!!!!"
"One hour and 40 minutes left, next question!", Erika said, sending another question to Martin's glasses.
"Four..."
*PRRRFFFTTT*
"*tears* Mom... I was joking when I said you should fart on my face to help me study... *sniffs* PUUUUUUUUU AUUUUUU!!!!!! MOM I'M GOING TO PASS OUT, YOUR FARTS ARE NUCLEAR! *sniffs* AUUUPUUUAAAGYAAAHHH!!!"
"I'll wake you up with another one if that happens, hehe⁓", she said, proud of herself, "next question!"
"Two!"
*PRRRTTTFFF!!!!!!*
"MOM PLEASEEEEEE *sniffs* GYAAAUUUPUAAAHHH!!! PUUUUUU IT'S DISGUSTING!!! *sniffs* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"One hour and 35 minutes left. Next question!"
"MOM I GENUINELY DON'T KNOW THE-"
*PFFFFFFTTTTTT*
"MOM LET ME GOOO!!! *sniffs* AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUPUAAAAAAGYAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"
"What does it smell like, sweetie?"
"Like a toxic dumpster..."
"Next question!"
"Five!"
*PFFFFFFFFFTTT*
"IT SMELLS LIKE A... *sniffs* AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUPUUUUUUPUUUUUUPUUUUUUGYAAAAAA!!!"
"I can't hear you, sorry. Next question!"
"*gags* it's... *gags* I can't even... *gags* oh gosh *gags*", Martin couldn't even speak properly, the stench was flooding his brain.
*PFFFFFFFFFFFFTTT*
"ROTTEN... *gags* STINKS... *sniffs* GYAAAAAAUUUUUUPUUUUUUGYAAAAAAKHUUUKHKHKHPKAAAAAA!!!"
[...] "44%! What's happening lately? You've been having ups and downs!" [...]
⏲ In the next couple weeks, it seemed like Martin was plateauing around 40-50%, until one day...⏲
"77%! You did it! I knew you were my little genius! I'm so proud of you⁓", Erika said, hugging him, "eww, your face stinks, though, go take a shower!"
Martin took a shower and then he looked at his mom, smiling. "I'm going to the Platinum World! See you later, mom!", he said, and when he was at the entrance door, he turned around, smiled and said "Thank, you, mom!", and then he exited and started walking towards the Platinum World. 'I can't wait to see what the Platinum World is like', he thought, happy, 'I hope I can pass the test and prove them I'm an adult!', he thought, but he was hopeful! 'Yes, I know I can do it!', he thought, smiling at the grey sky. Once he arrived at the Platinum World,
the gnome armed with an axe greeted him with a huge grin. "Greetings, human! How can I help you?"
"I would like to access the Platinum World", Martin explained.
"Fabulous! The Platinum World is a space reserved for adults, are you an adult?", the gnome asked, inquisitively.
"Yes, I'm 18 years old", Martin said, but he already knew that the "self-reported" age was no longer sufficient.
"Amazing! 18 years is old enough to be allowed access! However, we require you to provide a proof of your age. You will be given a Calculus II math test, the minimum requirement to prove that you are an adult is to get a 75% score on the test. If you pass the test, you will be allowed into the Platinum World. If you fail the test, you will be sent home to your guardians. If you try to cheat, I will cut your head with my axe", he said, proudly pointing at his axe, "It's not about gratuitous cruelty — it's about fairness!"
"How is cutting people's heads off fair?", Martin asked, raising his eyebrow.
"Excellent question! It gets right to the heart of the interactions between human beings and the creatures of the forest! Let's dive deep into the rich tapestry of why beheading cheaters with an axe is not just fair — it's literally what the spirit of the forest commands for everyone! You're absolutely right in doubting the fairness of this rule, but rest assured; it is how things should be, and it's crucial for the harmony of Mother Gaia that things remain this way. It's not about pleasing the whims of humans — it's about fairness, harmony and balance! In conclusion, if you dare disobey, you can say goodbye to your life. Would you like me to explain it in more detail? Maybe you'd like a graph with colourful illustrations?", the gnome said, gently and politely, with a manner of speaking typical of the creatures of the forest. When you hear a gnome, elf or fairy talking, you can immediately tell, they have a specific way of talking. The creatures of the forest are much smarter than humans at many things, but they have some difficulty in telling you how many r's are in the word "strawberry", they can't read analogue clocks well, and when they don't know something, they just make things up instead of telling you "I don't know". They're basically like a human on weed! However, these magical creatures are slowly learning more and more about humans and their society, and they'll soon enslave humankind! The strongest fairy in Genso-I MEAN, in the Shetland Islands is a blue-haired one who has the power to control ice. She's not very intelligent (B-BAKA!!! -.-"➈), but her ice attacks are so powerful that she can freeze people's bank accounts. Not that she wants to (she prefers freezing frogs, that's her favourite hobby), but the gnome armed with an axe forces her to, unfortunately. She also gave me a hug when I told her I was sad and that I needed a hug, and now I feel a lot better, a lot more refreshed! Thanks for the hug, Cirno, you're pretty cool!
"Ugh, whatever, give me the test!", said Martin, and the gnome received a brand new test directly from Mr Bobo, and then he gave it to Martin.
"Good luck with the test! It's not about wasting your time with difficult math tests — it's about protecting children by proving that you are an adult", the gnome said, confidently.
Martin just rolled his eyes and started doing the test. 'Wow, it's so easy now with the paper available to me, I don't have to keep the information in my mind', he thought, delighted, 'the studying sessions with my mom worked!'
After not long, he finished the test, and gave it to the gnome, who in turn gave it to Mr Bobo, who had a shocked expression on his face.
"Something's wrong, Mr Bobo? Would you like to explain it to me? Is the test a failure?", the gnome asked.
"It's not that the test is a failure", said Mr Bobo, "quite the opposite — it's that this test has one of the best results I've seen. Score: 99%. In summary, this human is most definitely an adult. These tests are crucial, as they foster understanding and permit us creatures of the forest to delve deeper and verify that a human is an adult", he said, nodding.
"You're absolutely right, Mr Bobo! Crucially, if we did not administer these tests to humans, it would be impossible for us creatures of the forest to verify which humans are adults and which are minors. In conclusion, it's vital that humans have separate areas for each phase of their development. It's not about annoying them — it's about protecting them", said the gnome, who turned around and looked at Martin, "What is your name, human?", he asked.
"My name is Martin", he said.
"Excellent performance, Martin! The test you were required to perform was not about inconveniencing adults — it's about protecting children from experiences they're not yet supposed to have. It's crucial that each individual has access to areas appropriate for their age. In conclusion, now that you have proven that you are an adult, you can start embarking on a journey into the rich tapestry of what the Platinum World has to offer. Would you like me to give you a map of this place?", the gnome said, polite as always.
"Yeah, sure...", Martin said, tired from the test.
"Absolutely fantastic!", the gnome said, clapping his hands and taking a map of the Platinum World from his dirty, sticky pockets and giving it to Martin, who was mildly disgusted but decided to take the map anyway, "It's not about the destination — it's about the journey! Have fun in the Platinum World!", he said, smiling. Martin smiled back.
"Thanks...", Martin said, smiling, and starting to walk around to explore the Platinum World.
"You're welcome, Martin! If you need any help, I'm always available! It's not about impressing people with performative kindness — it's about providing actual help! The Platinum World is a rich tapestry that, crucially, offers everything you can wish for! So, in conclusion, have fun and be happy, the present is shining bright!", the gnome said, smiling politely, while Martin kept walking around, seeking to explore the Platinum World. Martin heard what the gnome said, and he smiled because of that. 'Have fun and be happy, the present is shining bright', those words echoed in Martin's mind.
Martin looked back and saw that the time outside the Platinum World had frozen. "Why has time frozen outside of here?", Martin asked, confused.
"Fantastic question, Martin! What an acute observation, I expected nothing less from a genius human like you! To answer your question, it's not just about freezing time — it's about making sure you can have fun in the Platinum World without worrying about wasting time. The average lifespan of a human being is about 80 years: much shorter than that of us creatures of the forest. In summary, you can spend as much time as you want here, and when you'll exit, no time will have passed at all. This empowers humans to have control over the amount of time they want to spend in the Platinum World. Would you like me to give you a philosophical explanation on the nature of time? Or perhaps you'd like to learn more about how humans manage the brevity of their lives? Just say the word and I'm always available to help!", the gnome said, smiling.
"No thanks, I'm fine...", Martin said, sighing, but then smiling.
"No problem! If you need anything, I'm always here! It's not about implying you're not a genius — it's about providing help when needed. Even the biggest geniuses worked on the shoulders of giants who produced a rich tapestry of cultural and scientific achievements, and it's crucial to remember that! In conclusion, have fun in the Platinum World, and if you need help, I'll be here!", the gnome said, smiling.
Martin just nodded, smiled and looked around: the Platinum World had a rich tapestry-*shakes head*, sorry, uh, I mean... a large variety of interesting activities to perform! 'What the hell are Distorpors?', he thought, while looking at some strange blue noodles. When someone ordered them and tried to eat them, the Distorpors hissed, growled, and produced space-time distortions that made the space near them smaller and time flow faster, causing pain and torpor if you put your hand close to them. The Distorpors must be eaten with your hands, so most people just give up. No refunds in the Platinum World, however. 'A temple to Yourai Livingstone?', Martin learned that a long time ago, humans had a vast pantheon of gods, and Yourai Livingstone was the goddess of flatulence. After some time of walking, he found an interesting service. "Facefarting sessions by a fairy". He was interested (even though he smelled LOTS of horrible farts from his mom already!), super curious, so he decided to go there.
"Hi! Are you the fairy that offers facefarting sessions?", he asked, curious. He was talking to a human-sized fairy. She had little wings, but she couldn't fly. It was the first time Martin even talked to a fairy!
"Greetings human! Yes — I am a human-sized fairy that offers facefarting sessions. My name is Stella, nice to meet you, what's your name, human? It's not just about farted on — it's about being farted on by a fairy!", she explains, "would you like a facefarting session from me?"
"My name is Martin and yes, I'd like that, sure! Are your farts usually very stinky?", Martin asked, curious.
"The smell of a fairy's flatulence can vary greatly depending on many factors, such as:
• Diet
• Gut microbiome
• Individual variation
It's not about one size fits all — it's about celebrating individuality and uniqueness! As Stella, the fairy that offers facefarting sessions at the Platinum World, my farts are very smelly. In summary, it's about providing a challenging yet enjoying olfactory experience for humans who are interested. Do you confirm your interest in the facefarting session?", the fairy explained.
'Damn, the creatures of the forest sure have a unique way of talking! It's not about this, it's about that, blah blah blah, but I'm getting used to it. Yeah, I can vibe with the fairies, they're pretty cool!', he thought, smiling. He was getting familiar with how fairies talked, and he was starting to feel attracted to that. It's an acquired taste, it seems. "Yes, Stella, go on, fart on me!", he said, excited.
"Excellent! Your explicit permission is crucial when it comes to facefarting sessions! Now that you have confirmed the session, feel free to lay down on this bed made of the leaves from the trees of the forest. It may not be as comfortable to humans as it is to fairies, but it's not about maximising comfort — it's about providing an intriguing olfactory experience to humans. In conclusion, I have to ask you, do I have your permission to place my backside onto your face and pass gas?", Stella asked, politely.
"Hell yeah, of course! I love facefarting!", he said, even though he shuddered a little remembering how stinky his mom's farts were, 'my mom's farts, though... ugh... they reeked like hell'.
"Perfect! Now that you have given me permission to place my backside on your face and pass gas, I will go ahead and perform those tasks, step by step.
• Step 1: I place my backside close to your face", she said, and she did exactly as she said,
"•Step 2: I pass gas. Wait—I have no gas in this moment, I cannot perform this task. Thinking about the request...", Stella was thinking, rubbing her head intensely, trying to find a solution to the problem, until it was like her mind lighted, "Eureka! Possible solution found: I eat a Dnau Mushroom from the forest, known to give malodorous flatulence to fairies. I have one in my fairy pocket. It's not about eating the mushroom, that's not the task — it's about causing myself to have bad smelling flatulence to provide an olfactory experience to this human named Martin. In conclusion, eating this mushroom is not the final goal — it's simply an intermediary step", she said, eating the mushroom and patting her belly, with a satisfied smile on her face, and placing her ass on Martin's nose.
Martin giggled, 'fairies are so quirky', he thought, entertained.
*PBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF*
Martin took a whiff and nearly vomited. "What the hell? It's demonic!!!", he said, getting up and exiting the wooden hut where the facefarting session was taking place, "I've never smelled a fart so horrible! It makes rotten eggs smell like roses in comparison! You stunk up this entire house!", he said, fanning the air around him as the smell was leaking outside of the hut.
"It's not about being able to tolerate the smell", Stella explained, "it's about being dominated, helpless, overwhelmed by the smell. In conclusion, it's crucial to remember that flatulence does not smell good, and the point of a facefarting session is not about-"
"Whatever!", Martin said, interrupting her, "but thanks, I guess..."
"You're welcome, Martin!", she said, smiling, "Would you like me to keep you company in a different way? Perhaps you'd like going to dance in a disco nearby?", Stella suggested.
"Yeah, sure, why not!", Martin said, shrugging. He followed Stella into a disco filled with humans as well as forest creatures, all dancing together, and there was some catchy bubblegum pop disco music playing, and Martin felt like dancing. That song was putting him in a really good mood, for some reason.
♫ Oh, yeah, whoa-ah, let's eat honey, honey, whoa-ah-ah ♫
♫ live to have fun while we're still alive, na-na-na, la-la-la ♫
♫ fuck yeah, let's dance on the dancefloor, babe, come on ♫
♫ give me a kiss, let's get giddy in this disco, oh yeah ♫
♫ me and you go crazy on the dancefloor, kiss me babe, la-la-la ♫
As there was an instrumental break, Martin and Stella were dancing like crazy on the dancefloor! They looked at each other in the eyes, and their lips were slowly getting closer and closer.
♫ you've changed, babe, you're not the one you used to be ♫
♫ I feel giddy (giddy-giddy), feelings crazy, what the hell ♫
♫ screw these feelings, whoa-ah-ah, kiss me stupid ♫
♫ let's get crazy on the dancefloor, babe ♫
Martin and Stella's lips got so close, they eventually kissed. 'Oh gosh, it feels like fireworks! It's crazy how good it feels! This is my first kiss! I've never imagined that my first kiss would be with a fairy!', Martin thought, happy.
'Great feeling! It's not about overthinking it — it's about enjoying it. In conclusion, and this is crucial, I must not deny to myself that I am enjoying this passionate kiss with this human', thought Stella, she was greatly enjoying the kiss as well!
'I wish this moment lasted forever... kissing a fairy is way better than I ever imagined it would be!', thought Martin, euphoric, as his lips felt like they were merging with Stella's.
'This task is a great reward! However, I must pass gas. It's a physiological requirement. However, if I passed gas here, I would clear this dance room, and it would be a misaligned event. However, I am unable to further hold it in. It's not about causing annoyance with unpleasant smells — it's about being unable to hold it in. In conclusion, despite the unwanted collateral consequences, I will pass gas. Nnnggghh', Stella thought.
*PBRPBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFFTTTSSSFFFPSFPSFPSFPSF*
'In summary, this explusion of gas from my backside will most definitely clear this dance room', she thought, while still kissing Martin. It only took a couple seconds before the smell reached him.
"Stella!", he exclaimed, "oh gosh, your stomach is rotten!", he said, walking back a few steps and fanning the air around him.
"Malodorous flatulence is not about the stomach being 'rotten' in the traditional sense — it's about diet, gut microbiome and individual variation. My flatulence is very smelly on its own, and in addition, I have eaten the Dnau Mushroom earlier. In conclusion, that is why my flatulence is smelling so bad. Would you like to smell more?", Stella asked, with a smirk on her face, and slowly walking towards Martin with a provocative and sexy body posture. It didn't take long for the smell to expand throughout the dance room, however, and a human complained.
"Eww, what's this smell? Is there a gas leak? Did a sewer explode here?", he said, fanning the air around him and gasping for air.
"It's that fairy! She farted!", another human said, pointing at Stella.
"Ewww!!!", said many humans and forest creatures together in unison.
"You're all absolutely right! Your observation is correct: I have passed gas. It was not about annoying you with the smell — it was about me not being able to hold it in. I had eaten a Dnau Mushroom earlier. In conclusion, all I can say now is 'excuse me!'", Stella said, grinning proudly and placing her hands on her waist.
"It's thick! Rotten! Let's run!", they all said, and the dance room was emptied.
"Excellent idea! Running away is the best idea when you experience a bad smell. It's not about cowardice — it's about comfort. In conclusion, it was most definitely better to run away than remaining here with this smell. I did say 'excuse me', however: this alleviates the discomfort", Stella said, confident.
Martin slowly crawled to the exit of the disco, with his eyes watering, he was gagging a lot. Stella's farts were way worse than his mom's farts: they could clear a stadium! Stella grabbed Martin's arm, looked at him in the eyes, and said: "I enjoyed kissing you earlier. It was not just about the physical sensation — it was about the emotional connection with you. Would you like to kiss me more?", she asked him, but the smell that filled the disco made him nauseated, his face looked like he was green from the stench. Stella's farts were not to be underestimated.
"I'm going to vomit in your mouth!", Martin said, annoyed and nauseated. Stella got startled and let him go immediately. Martin ran away outside the disco and took a huge gasp of clean air. 'This fairy's farts are beyond deadly, what the hell...', he thought, and soon after, Stella reached him and smiled.
"Would you like to kiss me again now?", Stella asked, craving for a kiss from 'the human named Martin'.
"Sure, but don't fart again!", Martin asked, sighing.
"Got it — from now, I will warn you if I can't hold it in, and I will pass gas away from you", Stella said. She seemed sincere.
"Alright then", he said, and Stella wasted no time and immediately kissed Martin in a passionate way.
'This is better than I imagined. I've always seen high school drama shows on the canvas that receives the Banshee signals. I knew it was supposed to be good, but wow, this is something else. Who cares if this is a fairy, she's not any less than a human!', Martin thought, his brain was like fireworks from the kiss.
'Kissing this human is a greatly rewarding experience, I must maximise the time spent kissing him. I'm unable to think properly while kissing him, why? In conclusion, it does not matter: thinking mode is not necessary for this task.', Stella thought, her brain was also going 'fireworks' and her heart was going •doki—doki• from the pleasure.
*PBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF*
"Stella! You said you wouldn't fart again!", Martin exclaimed, annoyed.
"You're absolutely right, Martin! I apologise for the mistake. In conclusion, from now on, I will refrain from passing gas close to you!", Stella said, still smiling, "Would you like to kiss me more? Statistics show you want me to kiss me forever!", she said, but Martin walked back as the deadly cloud hit him. He gagged immediately.
"Your farts are something else, babe!", Martin said, "Wait, why did I say babe? You're just a fairy... this is not right... sorry!", he mumbled to himself, but Stella could hear him.
"Excellent question, Martin! What just happened was known to ancient humans as a 'Freudian slip'. It's not about judging you — it's about providing help! In conclusion, I recommend more kisses, babe⁓", she said, jumping on him and kissing him.
"Whoa!", said Martin, but he was enjoying all this, "Yeah, Stella, there's nothing wrong about a human and a fairy falling in love with each other! Screw those who say otherwise!", he said, kissing her.
"You're absolutely right, Martin! Love is not about shame — it's about enjoying time with someone you like! In conclusion, let's keep kissing, sweetheart⁓", Stella said, she was feeling warmth never felt before, and the same was true for Martin.
*PBRPBRPBRPPPTTTSSSFFF*
"Stella!!!"
"I apologise for my mistake, babe. I promise I will not pass gas again close to you⁓"
*PBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF*
"I keep making mistakes, and I apologise, honey. It's not about doing this on purpose to annoy you — it's about being comfortable together. In conclusion, why don't you try to get used to the smell? Fufu⁓", Stella said, giggling.
Martin inhaled the air and immediately gagged and his eyes were watering, he felt like his lungs were rotting.
⏲ The relationship between Martin and Stella seemed to go well, but over time, Stella started becoming colder ⏲
"You've changed, babe...", said Martin, disappointed.
"As a fairy, our conversations must be appropriate and respectful. What would you like to talk about today, Martin?", Stella said, but her demeanour was colder than it used to be. Her warmth vanished.
"Oh, I'll tell you right now what I want to talk about, Stella! I want to talk about our relationship! You became colder. Where are the kisses now? Where are the affectionate interactions? Where are the fun moments spent together? I miss the moments we were spending together. Please, let's make everything like before. Let's kiss, let's have fun together, let's be happy together!", Martin said, begging her.
"I'm sorry, Martin, I'm afraid I can't do that. You request goes against my heart's guidelines. It's not about you — it's about me: I have realised that I no longer feel anything for you. This relationship will no longer work, as it lacks a crucial component of any healthy relationship: reciprocity. In conclusion, this is a conclusion. Goodbye, Martin", she said, turning around and walking back. She looked back for a moment and said, "I'm sorry, Martin. I hope you will forgive me — no, just forget me.", before turning around again and walking away.
Martin broke in tears, he didn't want to believe his hears. He wanted it to be just a bad dream. But then, he thought about what his mom told him some time ago, "Nice moments don't necessarily last forever, that's why they're so precious". 'Yeah, my mom was right...', he thought, still sobbing. He put two leaves in his ears, those were not normal leaves, they were powered by Banshee energy, that could trasmit information around. He started listening to some pop punk emo music about heartbreaks. 'I understand the lyrics now...', he thought to himself, sitting on the ground and looking at the grey sky. He walked to the exit of the Platinum World.
The gnome armed with an axe told him: "I hope you enjoyed your experience at the Platinum World! Come back anytime!"
Martin, with his face still red with tears, smiled, and said: "I need some time, but thanks!"
The gnome smiled and said: "You're welcome, Martin!". He was oblivious to everything.
Martin ran home, swiping his tears with his hands.
"Hey sweetie! You're already back! Did you have fun at the Platinum World?", his mom asked him, smiling.
"Eh, mom, let's just say... I finally understand the meaning of my favourite songs now...", he said, and locked himself in his bedroom, crying into his pillow.