Crying all night, blankets over my head, tears burn my eyes. I play loud music in my room to hide the sound of me crying. The infinite extra-dimensional beings that are constantly staring at me with their infinite eyes might be wondering why am I even crying. Well, to say the reason is complicated would be an understatement.

My name is Celvinheit. My life? I could write a novel about it. But let's start from one of the many reasons why I've been crying for several minutes. Since when I was a child, I was taught that the Celsius scale is the One True Temperature Scale™, and the Celsius scale itself agreed with that statement as well. Growing up, however, I discovered that there is another temperature scale, the Fahrenheit, used in the United States of America and in some other countries that almost nobody has ever heard of. When I discovered that, I was enraged. What I had been taught about since when I was a child... was a lie?

"How could you lie to me?", I yelled to my mom, "the Celsius scale is not the One True Temperature Scale™, they use the Fahrenheit scale in the United States of America!"

"But you see, dear son Celvinheit, the Fahrenheit scale is a false temperature scale! It doesn't tell the truth about the temperature! Whenever the temperature is higher than 38 degrees, the Fahrenheit scale claims that the temperature is over 100, but there's no way it's that hot, the water would boil if it was that hot! Therefore, the Fahrenheit scale is false, and a huge liar! And the United States as a country will soon be punished with a severe plague and pestilence since they dare using a false temperature scale in their weather channels and even in those abhorrent conversations they have with each other!", my mom said, with a sadistic smile on her face, she looked like she wanted to see the USA wiped out from the face of Earth, but of course, hers was just wishful thinking, it doesn't seem that anything particularly awful is happening to the USA due to their Fahrenheit usage, and that's exactly what I told her, by the way. "No, Celvinheit, the Celsius scale is already giving those Americans some warnings! Why do you think the USA has the highest incarceration rate in the world?", my mom asked me, but it seemed like a rhetoric question she already "knew" the answer to.

"Uh... perhaps there are various causes. Maybe one of the many reasons is that they give unreasonably long prison sentences to non-violent crimes such as drug dealing? But there could be other causes as well, I need to read that article again...", I told her, giving her one reason that I had read on some random Internet blog.

"Of course there are other causes, son! But the main cause is that they use the Fahrenheit scale. Guess what, all the countries that use Celsius have a lower incarceration rate than the USA which uses the Fahrenheit. And on average, the countries that use the Celsius scale have a lower incarceration rate than those who use the Fahrenheit scale! And that makes sense, false temperatures always lead to slavery, it's only the Celsius that brings to salvation! The Celsius has warned, and said that you are not allowed to use any other temperature scale other than the Celsius! And it also said that there are no other temperature scales in existence!", my mom explained proudly.

"How can one use other temperature scales if they don't exist?", I asked, pointing out the contradiction.

What the hell... it seems like the Celsius and Fahrenheit scales are not the only ones that exist. There is a third main one that nobody ever taught me about: the Kelvin. I perform a magick ritual and enter into a state of personal gnosis with the Kelvin scale itself.

"So, you are here, Celvinheit. I was waiting for you. I suppose you are searching for knowledge, and that you want to hear the truth about temperature scales", the Kelvin told me. How exciting and majestic, I'm talking to a temperature scale!

"Yes, please! I'm tired of being lied to! I want to know all the truth!", I asked, begging the Kelvin to finally get rid of my thermic ignorance.

"Well, let's start from the basics. Before learning more about temperature scales, you need to understand what temperature itself is. It's a bit complicated to explain, but just understand that it's a measure of how cold or hot something is, as you already know. Since you were a child, you have been taught that the Celsius is the only true temperature scale and that all other temperature scales are either false, or don't exist at all. Yes, Celvinheit, you have been lied to. Monothermism is a false ideology. In truth, all temperature scales are equally valid, they just have different definitions. For example, the Celsius defines 0 as the melting point of ice and 100 as the boiling point of water, whereas the Fahrenheit uses different definitions. But they are both equally valid, Celvinheit!", Kelvin explained.

"How can they be both valid when they say different, mutually exclusive things? On the same day, the Celsius claims that the temperature is 38, while the Fahrenheit claims it's 100. They cannot be both right, have you ever heard of the law of non-contradiction? Either the Celsius is right, or the Fahrenheit is right. But not both! My mom says that the Fahrenheit is lying because if the temperature was actually 100 then the water would be boiling outdoors!", I said, not wanting to accept that two mutually contradictory statements can be true at the same time.

"How is that even possible? Their claims contradict with each other!", I said, sighing, starting to get a headache from the confusion.

"You see, truth is relative. For the Celsius, the temperature on a day may be 38, while for the Fahrenheit, it's 100. 38 for the Celsius, 100 for the Fahrenheit. What's more, there's no objective truth at all, so you can't truthfully say that the temperature is a certain number without first specifying according to which scale is the statement true. The temperature can't be 38, it can be 38 Celsius, 38 Fahrenheit, or 38 of another scale, but never 38 by itself", Kelvin explained.

"Ha! There is no objective truth, other than the fact that there is no objective truth, right?", I asked Kelvin, pointing out the contradiction, or perhaps the hypocrisy(?)

"No, even that is not an objective truth. It's true for relativism, but it's not true for absolutism, which does claim that there is in fact an absolute truth. As for what the absolute truth actually consists of, that depends on the specific absolutist ideology in question", Kelvin explained.

"Then, what's the point of believing anything? I could say that the temperature is 64, every day. After all, there is no absolute truth!", I said, shrugging. There must be a meaning in all of this!

"There is no absolute truth, but there are relative truths. If, for example, the Celsius claims that the temperature is 38, it would be false to claim that the temperature is 64 according to the Celsius, and it would also be false to claim that the temperature is 64 according to the Fahrenheit, because the truth would be that it's 100 according to Fahrenheit", Kelvin explained.

"If all truths are relative, then what's the point of believing in one truth instead of a different one?", I asked, trying my best to keep at least some sense of objectivity in all this situation.

"There's no point, really, whether you use the Celsius or the Fahrenheit mostly just depends on where you grew up. If you grew up in the USA, you'd use the Fahrenheit, and if you grew up elsewhere, you'd use the Celsius. Apart from a few situations of people who want to be very anti-conformist, I suppose", Kelvin explained.

"So you're telling me that the temperature is just a social construct?", I asked, starting to have an existential despair.

"No, the temperature is real, but the scale used to measure it is indeed a social construct, and the Fahrenheit is neither more nor less valid than the Celsius nor any other scale", Kelvin explained, giving me even more existential angst.

I sigh and try to accept what Kelvin told me. It makes sense, when I think about it. I have been lied to all my life, and now I need to re-program my own beliefs and worldview. "I understand. It's a bit difficult for me to accept all of this, but I'll try my best. Before leaving, I would like to ask you one more question, Lord Kelvin", I said.

"The only difference between me and Celsius is 273.15", Kelvin said, giggling, but in an elegant way like a temperature scale would do.

"In order to understand what I claim about the temperature on any given day, just take what the Celsius claims, and add 273.15 to it. For approximation you can add 273, I won't get offended. For example, if the Celsius says it's 27 degrees, I say it's 300 degrees. The fun thing about me is that I am an absolute temperature scale, that means my scale does not go below zero", Kelvin said.

"What do you mean when you say 'absolute temperature scale'?", I ask, very curious, I thirst for knowledge.

"Well, there is a lowest temperature possible, it is called 'the absolute zero'. It is physically impossible for the temperature to go below that value. In the Celsius scale, the absolute zero is -273.15, while in the Fahrenheit scale it's -459.67. And as for me, the absolute zero is 0", Kelvin said.

"In your scale, the absolute zero is... zero? So, you tell the truth about the temperature? That means Celsius and Fahrenheit are false!", I said. Finally! I now have the secret truth about temperature!

"Uh...", Kelvin started blushing, "...I wouldn't put it that way. The Celsius and Fahrenheit are as valid as me!"

"You're so humble, Kelvin! That is how I can see you are the true temperature scale!", I say, feeling extremely happy and excited. Finally this day has come!

"Uh... no. The Celsius and Fahrenheit are neither more false nor more true than me... we're just different", Kelvin said, blushing even more, "by the way, if you like the concept of absolute zero being zero, there is another temperature scale you may want to know about"

"Which one?", I ask, feeling absolutely ecstatic about this. More than one true temperature scale?!?

"The Rankine scale. Basically, just like the difference between me and Celsius is 273.15, the difference between Rankine and Fahrenheit is 459.67. Both me and Rankine start our scale at the absolute zero, so we never go below zero, unlike the Celsius and the Fahrenheit", Kelvin explained.

"Awesome!!!", I say, almost passing out from the happiness and excitement, "So, the Celsius and Fahrenheit scale are like, let's say that there is a distance unit of measure called the Metrius, which starts from minus 27 metriuses. And one meter is minus 26 metriuses, and twenty meters are minus 7 metriuses, and 33 meters are 6 metriuses. Right?", I ask.

"Yes, your analogy is correct, Celvinheit, but that doesn't mean the Metrius would be false. It would just use different definitions, just like the Celsius and Fahrenheit, which are as valid and true as me and Rankine are. We're no more true than those two, I swear. All temperature scales are equally valid and true!", Kelvin said, smiling. How humble!!!

"Ha! What non-sense! You and Rankine are the true temperature scales, at least in my heart! Thank you very much, Kelvin, I have to go now. I will offer you gifts every full moon to express my eternal gratitude. Goodbye", I say, returning in my usual non-magickal state of mind.

Now that I know the truth, I'm happy, sure, but when I think of how I've been lied to as a child, I'm still not prepared to relive those memories in my mind. I stopped trusting what the Celsius and Fahrenheit told me, and on my weather apps I've set the unit to Kelvin as a symbol of gratitude towards Kelvin. I won't forgive Celsius and Fahrenheit and I won't forget that their fucking scales are full of shit!!! If those two scales come back at me apologizing and begging me to set them as units in my weather apps, I'll ignore their apologies! I won't trust what they'll tell me anymore! They've betrayed, deceived me, such liars, I believed them!

I go outside and look at the grey sky, as gloomy as my dark soul. "Fuck the European Union, I want to travel around the world!", I mumble to myself, taking my Cadillac and starting to ride it as fast as I can on an empty highway. This speed ain't gonna scare me, no! The grey sky is looking great, fuck yes! Windows down, engine roars, breeze on my face! From coast to coast, from sea to sea. Speeding ticket Alabama, Mississippi, ain't too old to escape this prison, flying to the sky, destination Alaska!

As I arrive to Alaska, I'm greeted to by the majestic mountain ranges of this pristine landscape. I feel one with nature, connected with the deep cosmos. The trees, the rivers, the glaciers, this beauty around me. The life energy of these animals, the cycles of nature. Winter, spring, summer and fall, the wonders of this land, interconnected through an omnipresent energy inside us. As above, so below, feeding from these beautiful plants, our wondrous planet provides us with all we need to live.

And it is in this strange village called Whittier, which I have reached driving through a strange dark tunnel, that I have met a beautiful girl called Cecilia for the first time. I mean, I met her for the first time... her named had always been Cecilia!

As I enter the building where everyone in Whittier lives (yes, all the population of Whittier lives in the same building!), I meet Cecilia for the first time. She was so fascinated by me that she proposed to be my girlfriend, just after a few hours of friendly chatting.

"Can I be your girlfriend? Please!", she said, begging me with cute, pleading eyes.

"And this is crazy! So here's my number, so call me maybe!", she told me, winking as she gave me her phone number.

"Can we have kids sometime?", she said, with her eyes sparkling with almost as much excitement as when I talked to Kelvin for the first time.

"No, I'm sorry we can't. It's physically impossible for me to procreate. See... I have a problem... I cum ketchup!", I admit, blushing.

"Uh... yeah... I'll consider that at some point", I said, blushing. I don't want kids, eww! I would be a terrible father and my kids would surely grow up some kind of violent criminals if they have someone as passive and non-disciplining as me as a father, no doubt.

"Awesome!!! In the meanwhile, what can I do for you?", she said, with a horny smirk. Ugh... I hope I won't disappoint her when I tell her the truth.

"Uh... actually... I like it when girls have stinky farts and fart on my nose!", I say, with a poker face even though I'm a bit embarrassed. Talk about a bad romance!

"I can do that, no problem!", she said, grinning happily, "but we'll have sex sometimes, right?", she asked, with an inquisitive smile. Looking at her eyes it was obvious that she was hoping that the answer would be 'yes', and I was reluctant to tell her the truth, but I didn't want to deceive her like the Celsius did to me as a child. Being lied to is not a very pleasant experience. I have to tell her the truth, even if she may not like it.

"Sorry, I'm not into sex. I'm sorry, Cecilia. Also, the blankets of our bed will be stained with ketchup if we did that", I said.

The look on her eye was clearly disappointed. "Alright, that's fine. I still want to be your girlfriend, I'll fart on your face like you want to", she sighed and smiled, looking at my eyes. Our lips slowly got closer and we started kissing. It felt like heaven!

"What's wrong with psychiatry and Islam, Celvinheit? You seem to hate them a lot!", Cecilia asked me, looking a bit confused.

"Psychiatry hates me because I have mood swings, and Islam hates me because I'm a polytheist", I said, with a sad defeated face, almost crying, "but you love me and that's what matters to me!", I say, happy and excited, feeling like I'm in heaven.

"Jeez, you weren't lying about the mood swings!", Cecilia said, a bit shocked, "Anyway, come to my room, quick, I have some farts for you!"

We walked to her room and she pulled her pants down, revealing her panties and a great part of her asscheeks. It looked so beautiful and I was starting to feel a bit aroused. She was laying down on her bed with her belly pointing down, she was pointing at her ass with her index finger and inviting me to put my nose there. "Be careful, though, my farts REEK~are you sure you want to smell them?~♥"

"Of course I do! It has always been my desire since I was a child! Or early teenager, at least", I say, as excited as ever, "and the stinkier, the better!"

"Alright, the put your nose on my ass, quick, I need to let one rip~♥", she said cutely.

My heart is beating so fast, I can't believe this is really happening. The air that is being blown on my nose is hot and stinky, much stinkier than I thought it would had been, it smells putrid, like rotten eggs, but a bit hotter and more sour than that, it also smells kinda like spoiled milk and rotten broccoli, but more like rotten eggs, it has a strong sulfuruous stench that immediately made my eyes water and it also made me gag a little bit. My nose feels like it's burning, it's quite an overpowering odor, and it's pretty much almost unbearable. I never would had thought that her farts would smell so bad, so I had to move my nose away from her ass so that I could breathe some fresh air, but it turned out to be useless as the stench of her farts was spreading throughout her room and really spoiling the air really badly with a smell that could peel the paint off the walls, it was really stinking to high heaven, and I was starting to have some difficulty breathing, her fart was smelling AWFUL! I almost couldn't believe how badly the air was stinking with just ONE of her farts. It was an exciting yet nauseating perspective of what was about to come, living with her.

"What's the matter, Celvinheit? Does the smell of my farts burn inside your nose? Does it make you want to gag and throw up? Don't worry, Celvinheit, your nose will eventually come to an end if you keep smelling my farts everyday, place your nose on my sweet black panties and sniff, your brain will be overwhelmed by the stink. You may cry, become insane, my noxious farts will bring you nausea and disgust, their stench will burn your nostrils' hair. Doesn't this all sound fun?~♥", Cecilia said, giggling and laughing.

"Your farts smell really bad, Cecilia...", I say, coughing from the awful stench that is permeating throughout her room, "I didn't think your farts would smell this bad. I need some fresh air, I'll put my head outside of the window to breathe some fresh air, even if the weather is kinda cold here in Whittier", I say, opening the window and breathing some fresh air. Yes, the outdoor air was quite cold, but it was worth it, the cold is preferable to the stink. Luckily Whittier's winter is not as cold as that or Fairbanks and not even as cold as Anchorage.

"Well, if the smell of my farts really affects you this bad, too bad! I fart a lot, and you'll need to get used to the smell if you want to live together with me!~♥", she said, with a weird proud tone, "Come here, I have another fart to make you smell. Come here and put your nose on my ass and smell more of my farts, and close that damn window, the freezing air is blowing on me!", she said. Ah, yeah, better her hot stinky fart air blowing on my nose than the cold air of Whittier blowing on her skin. Fair enough. And she's right, if I don't get used to the smell of her farts, it may be trouble if she let her farts rip in a closed space like my Cadillac or my camper, it's gonna stink really badly in there!

I put my nose on her ass and she was obviously ready to let another one of her horribly stinky farts rip.

Cecilia's farts smell so bad, it feels like being doomed to inhale putrid fart fumes with no way out, there was no relief from the relentless eggy sulfuruous stench, and no hope for some fresh, odorless air. Her farts are so stinky that they're making me want to throw up. With just two of her farts she literally stunk up her whole room. Granted, it's not a huge room, but still, it's really impressive. And stinky. Very stinky.

"I need to fart again, Celvinheit. Please DON'T move your nose away from my ass, you need to sniff my farts as much as possible. Luckily I fart a lot, my dear Celvinheit. I get you're not into sex, but with this one thing that you're into, I would like to take advantage of it fully, so please, don't disappoint me, Celvinheit. Here I go, familiarize yourself with the smell of my farts, I fart so much that you'll breathe in my farts more often than fresh air, from now on~♥"

"Aaahhh, rumbly~♥my fart vibrated against your nose, so satisfying~♥", Cecilia said, blushing and slightly moaning in pleasure. She was really enjoying farting on my nose, but her farts were so stinky that it was a struggle for me to avoid throwing up. Of course, avoiding gagging was pretty much impossible for me, the smell of her farts was so thick, pungent, just awful.

I kept sniffing her farts until she was satisfied, and even after sniffing it, I felt really dizzy and nauseated, I was shocked at how I managed to avoid throwing up despite of how awful her farts smelled.

"I don't want to stay here in Whittier. You see, in this world, there is nowhere I belong. What people call 'home', to me is a cage, what people call 'feeling lost', to me is freedom... freedom to explore! I belong in the journey, not in a place. I want to explore the world, I can't stand being in the same place for a long time. I hope you can understand, Cecilia", I explain.

"No problem, Celvinheit, I can come with you. Let's explore the world together~♥", Cecilia said, with happy eyes on her face, giggling a bit as she was wafting her fart air towards me with her hands, and giggling even more as I coughed because her fart smelled really bad!

"Alright, come with me, I have a Cadillac and a camper!", I told her, still coughing a bit from the awful smell of her fart. We exited the building... I mean, the only building where people in Whittier live, and we go to my car, a beautiful Cadillac.

"Get ready, because I'll soon stink up your car and your camper with my farts, it will be easy to me since they are small spaces~♥", she said, with a strange proud smirk on her face. I didn't think she would be so proud of how bad her farts smell, but apparently, sometimes life is stranger than fiction. And this is not fiction, right? I'm not dreaming or anything? This feels too good to be real.

As a child, my life was based on lies, and it was pretty dark. But, often I saw the warm light of hope, daydreaming about something that would never happen, but it felt good anyway. Fiction was my shelter, reality was my pain, opening the door to imagination I travelled to fantasy worlds. How could I know that the pain would only be temporary? Look at my life now, I know the truth about temperature, and I have a girl willing to fart on my nose! Sure, her farts stink so much that I want to throw up when I take even a small whiff of those fumes, but I certainly can't say I'm unhappy, hehe!

Despite all the improvements that can happen, either in society or in one's life, feelings can't be defeated. What are feelings anyway? It's crazy. Mine sometimes change really fast for apparently no reason, too!

"...but then I met you, you're making me so happy, I'm so glad you became my girlfriend. There is no need for me to daydream anymore, reality is not perfect, but you are", I told Cecilia, smiling and blushing, as I was driving my car through the dark tunnel in order to exit Whittier and go somewhere else.

"We'll find our Eden together, it's heaven on Earth if we love each other", I told her.

"AAAHHH~~~I really needed to let that big fart out of my ass~♥", Cecilia said, laughing and giggling a lot.

It was a rumbly, loud, long fart that made a vibrating sound against the seat where Cecilia was sitting on, and it only took a few seconds before the horrible stench hit me. What the hell, how can the farts of such a cute, adorable girl smell so incredibly bad? As soon as I took a whiff for even half a second, I started gagging uncontrollably, my eyes watered and my nose was burning deeply, it was a feeling of overwhelming disgust, like being trapped in a noxious fart fog that wouldn't let you breathe. I immediately rolled the windows of my car down, even though the air outside was quite cold, but not extremely cold like it would be in Fairbanks - that city is absolutely frigid during the winter! Not to mention Barrow, but that's at the northermost tip of Alaska, basically.

As I opened the window, the air inside of my car was starting to get quite cold, but at least it wasn't reeking so badly of Cecilia's fart anymore. Poor Cecilia, I needed to give her a warm jacket, because she was feeling really cold. But opening the windows was worth it, because Cecilia's farts smell so bad that even if she farts just once, the whole car will be filled with a horrible sulfuruous stench after just a few seconds, and it's a smell that won't go away unless you open the windows. But I'm really happy that I found the right girl for me, it's so exciting to think that Cecilia's farts smell so bad that they can challenge my nose and win!

"Aww, you're so adorable!", she said, feeling flattered and happy because of what I said.

Driving this car with the windows rolled down here in Alaska, the cold wind is blowing on me, and now that Cecilia farted again, even though the windows are rolled down, still I'm hit with a horrible stench. To think that her farts will still stink so awfully even when the windows are rolled down is so exciting, it really shows how powerful and stinky her farts are, and it's honestly just awesome. We live in an age of prosperity, we present is shining bright, me and Cecilia happily live with each other, we're free to love each other as much as we please.

The smell of her fart, despite the windows rolled down, was making it a bit difficult to breathe inside the car, but luckily, because the windows were rolled down, eventually the smell of her fart dissipated, but not before tormenting my nostrils with their putrid, eggy stench for quite a while while I was driving

Eventually we arrived at Juneau, the capital of Alaska. Yes, we had to take an airplane to reach it, since it's pretty much inaccessible through car from Whittier. We went to a supermarket to buy some things, because we are planning to travel to some hot place: Bangkok, Thailand, to be precise.

We were about to buy some clothing, and I was about to choose a really cool clothing.

"Oh, no, that's a native alaskan clothing. Only native alaskans can wear that", Cecilia said.

"So, that clothing is ethno-copyrighted? An ethnicity of people owns the idea of a clothing just like Capcom® owns Street Fighter®?", I said, rolling my eyes, "good thing I'm a pirate!", I said, smirking as I thought about how many games and songs I have illegally downloaded in my life. And I'm gonna buy that clothing, too! (as for games pirated, it's over 100 thousand!!! YARR!!! Which is the amount of game found in a retro-gaming emulating console bought online, the Super Edgy Captain Of The Seven Seas X2 Pro. I do what I want, I'm a pirate, I'm free!!! 'This game is not supposed to be played outside Japan' my ass!).

Cecilia bursted out laughing. "Go on, buy that clothing, I don't really give a shit about it, I was being sarcastic. The people who complain about that are childish brats. Ethno-Copyrighters go strike your DMECA elsewhere, hell yeah!!!", she said, smiling and winking at me, and giggling even more.

"I would had done it anyway!", I said, winking back at her, which made her giggle even more. What can I say, I'm a rebellious guy.

We buy some more food at the supermarket and we stop at a hotel before we'll travel to Bangkok in Thailand.

"This food I bought at the supermarket tastes delicious. I love sweet and sour sauce. What's your favourite food? Oh I love chatting with you", I told her, feeling very happy.

"My favourite food? Uhm, let me think... beans, potatoes, broccoli, eggs, burritos, and stuff like that~♥", she said, "I also love ketchup~", she said, smirking at me.

"We can buy ketchup at the supermarket, you silly!", she said, laughing, "Let's go to the bedroom of this hotel, I have a surprise for you~♥", she said, giggling. It was pretty obvious what this "surprise" was going to be.

She pulled her pants down again and invited me to smell her farts, just like she did back at her 'house' in Whittier. Again, I put my nose on her ass, between her asscheeks, even though at this point I was scared to smell her farts, by now I realized how bad they really smelled, and they smelled AWFUL!

"Gah...", the heat and the stench of her fart burned my nose, it felt really pungent and stinky, breathing it in was an awful challenge, a challenge that I couldn't win, no matter how hard I tried to keep my nose there, the smell of her farts always made me gag and want to throw up, and even after just a few seconds, I wish to breathe some fresh air to forget about the horrible stench of Cecilia's farts.

"Please hang in there, keep your nose there and sniff, I have more farts for you to smell~", Cecilia said, giggling. She was really having fun, making me smell her really stinky farts so often. And she was not exaggerating when she said she farted really often, too!

"MGUUUHHH!!!", I said, as the smell of her farts was starting to make me feel really dizzy, I felt like I had to throw up sooner or later, and my reaction was making her laugh a lot.

"Fufufufu, does it stink already, it's about to get even stinkier now, my farts are not to be underestimated, some people I've farted close by have said that my farts can be used as chemical weapons~♥", she said, sounding really proud of how bad her farts stank.

I involuntarily remove my nose from Cecilia's ass almost like when one removes one's hand from a hot metal, but Cecilia grabbed my head and pushed it down back on her ass again, I felt almost as if I was drowning, her farts were absolutely putrid, they smelled so bad that, as I just described, they are the stinky equivalent of a touching a hot metal with bare hands. But, as she told me already, I need to get used to the smell of her farts, because even if she just farts once, she can easily stink up my car or my camper, so it would be disadvantageous for me if I can't handle the smell of her farts. Still, they smell so bad that it's going to be very difficult to get used to the smell. But I'm happy that I have a girlfriend whose farts smell so bad, it has been my wish since when I was a child. Now that it's real, I no longer need to daydream about it.

After the 'face-farting session', we take our flight to Bangkok and we are really excited to go there. I hope she's not gonna fart on the airplane because that would be really embarrassing, and it would stink a lot. During the flight, I kept thinking about Cecilia's farts, and we land at Suvarnabhumi Airport while I have a huge boner to hide. I need to be careful or I'll stain my underwear with ketchup.

The weather in Bangkok is extremely hot and humid, it's clearly very different from the weather in Alaska. Me and Cecilia go to the hotel and she was ready to fart on my nose again, but not before eating some Thai food. She ate a lot of Thai food and it was making her really gassy! We went to a room and as usual, she pulled her pants down and encouraged me to press my nose between her asscheeks so that I could smell her farts as fully as possible. It was becoming a habitual praxis at this point.

"Eww!!!", I was trying my best to breathe her fart in, but it was absolutely noxious, eye-watering, putrid, it was not easy at all to breathe that in. I was trying to distract myself thinking about flowers, vanilla, perfume, good things, but no way, it was useless... all I could smell was the eggy, rotten, sulfuruous stench of Cecilia's farts, there was no way out, each time I inhaled, her fart gas invaded my nostrils making my eyes water even more. Gagging was practically inevitable when breathing in such nasty farts.

She kept farting quite a lot on my nose, fart after fart, my energies were decreasing, my brain was frying, my sense of smell was getting ruined, my nose was slowly being cooked, marinating in such hot awful fart fumes relentlessly. The Thai food didn't seem to make her farts much (if at all) stinkier than usual, but more frequent, apparently so.

"Hehehe, my farts are pungent, aren't they?~♥", Cecilia said, giggling and laughing a lot.

After a while of smelling her farts, we decide to travel somewhere. We've had enough of Bangkok, plus it's way too hot here.

"I've programmed a random Javascript generator, let's follow what it says", I say, clicking on the HTML button 'generate' to see what the Javascript generator says.

"Isn't that place a bit dangerous? After all, you told me you're a polytheist. Saudi Arabia is an Islamic country, so polytheists are actively persecuted there", Cecilia said, looking a bit worried.

"Yeah, danger is cool and edgy! Let's go!", I say, booking a flight for Riyadh, ready for this dangerous and exciting trip.

"What do you mean death penalty for blasphemy, polytheism, and sexual conduct outside marriage?", I say. Me and Cecilia have been sentenced to death here in Saudi Arabia. The accusation is that I'm a polytheist, and that the fart-sniffing session we did inside the room of the hotel was 'sexual conduct', and since me and Cecilia are not married, we'll be condemned to death by stoning. And of course, an accusation of blasphemy thrown in, because why not.

Luckily, we have contacted the USA embassy in Saudi Arabia and there is an agreement to not kill us, just expel us from the country. Phew, we were almost dead! We return to the USA, to Alaska because it's a really cool place.

"Phew, we almost got killed there! It was so exciting! The adrenaline was rushing!", I say, grinning excited about the trip we had.

"I'd rather not going to such a place again. We're lucky we're even alive right now", she said, heavily panting, looking stressed.

"Indeed we are! And yeah, maybe you're right, we shouldn't expose ourselves to so much danger in the future. I can get a bit reckless when I'm manic. You know what would be a really cool place to go to? Antarctica!", I say. Cecilia groaned, almost as if she doesn't want to travel with me anymore, but she accepted anyway.

"During the summer, at almost 78 degrees south of latitude, the Sun never sets! It's called 'the midnight sun'. Is that really a worthless experience? I don't think so!", I say, excited for the midnight sun.

"I'm stressed... and sleepy... I need to sleep...", she said, yawning, with her eyes barely open.

"Alright, let's go sleep in a dormitory! I'm not stressed, but I'm sleepy too!", I said, feeling sleepy.

We went to a dormitory to sleep together in the same room. We used the window blinders to cover the sunlight from entering our window, so that our room was dark, and we started sleeping for several hours. Whoa, we both were really sleepy, indeed! It was such an exciting day full of events, first of many to come?

"Celvinheit... hmm...", Cecilia said, cuddling me while we were both half-asleep, she sounded like she was enjoying cuddling me in the bed like that.

"Hehehe...", Cecilia was giggling while she was half-asleep, because she farted. I groaned a bit because I wasn't ready to smell her awful gas, "...did I tell you I'm extremely gassy after I wake up from a refreshing sleep? Celvinheit... mmmhhh~♥"

"To me it seems like you're always extremely gassy... oh my gods, it stinks!!!", I say, starting to cough because I inhaled her fart cloud, which was unescapable, because her farts usually stink up entire rooms.

"Hehehe... hahaha...~♥", Cecilia giggled and laughed because of how I reacted to the smell of her farts. They really stank! I wasn't acting at all, her farts always smell so terrible and putrid, but if my reaction makes her laugh like that, I'm glad to smell her farts despite how much they make me want to throw up anything I've eaten in the last 24 hours.

"Ah, Cecilia, you're a walking stink bomb, phew!", I say, pulling my shirt over my nose in an attempt to at least filter the smell somewhat, but of course i wasn't working, the smell of her farts was really pungent and penetrating, pulling one's shirt over one's nose was absolutely useless, the smell felt hot, sour and putrid. She's proud of her own farts, and me too! I mean!!! I'm proud of her farts. I'm proud of how bad her farts smell, I've been so lucky back at Whittier to have met her, it's so incredible how lucky I've been! But I guess her farts are so stinky that I'll never get used to the smell, they're really stinky and overpowering!

Here she goes, she farted again, and suddenly she was sitting with her ass on my nose.

"Gah, no... not on my face, please...", I say, as the smell of her farts was spreading throughout this room in the dormitory, and it gets stinkier everytime she farts!

"Yes, on your face... on your nose, to be more precise, so it's gonna stink even worse. I love farting on your nose, Celvinheit, it's way more fun that I'd thought it would had been~♥", she said, rubbing her belly while she was placing her butt on my nose, "MNGHM~♥"

"GAH!!!", I gagged so hard that I almost threw up, the smell of Cecilia's farts proves itself so be pretty much toxic once again, the sulfuruous eggy stench pierces my lungs and my soul, why does my nose feel like it's burning so much? A fart is not that hot, so that means it's the pungent stench itself that gives this disgusting burning feeling, I can barely breathe, her farts stink so much! But I guess, among a huge number of people, there will be variation in how bad their farts stink, and Cecilia's farts smell worse than those of the average person, I'm pretty sure of that.

After some time of sniffing her farts, the room in this dormitory absolutely reeked.

"Hehehe, that means anyone who comes to sleep here after us should brace themselves for the stink, hehehe~hahaha~♥", she laughed, apparently she found the idea of someone smelling her farts hilarious. Luckily I can provide her with laughter in that way, even though sniffing her farts kinda felt like torture, they smelled atrocious!

"Let's go to the South Pole now! Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station, 90 degrees south of latitude!", I say, excited.

"Yay, let's go!", she said, raising her arms in sign of excitement and hugging me.

We flew to the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station. The sky was bright blue, and the air was extremely cold, the temperature was 250 Kelvin and it felt very pungent (on the skin), like Cecilia's farts. The summer at the south pole is colder than the winter in Fairbanks. We were greeted by a sign.

Geographic South Pole

Roald Amundsen
December 14, 1911
"So we arrived and
were able to plant our
flag at the geographical
South Pole."

Robert F. Scott
January 17, 1912
"The Pole. Yes, but
under very different
circumstances from
those expected."

As the sign said, the elevation was 9,301 feet (2,835 meters) above sea level, and since we were not used to that, we were starting to feel altitude sickness.

"Are you kidding me? It's FREEZING out there!", she said, shivering from the fear of shivering from the cold.

I convinced her to get outside, and we saw something that looked like a huge wall of ice in the distance.

"At, that may be a mirage. It happens in the extreme cold sometimes... I guess", I said, shrugging.

"Alright, let me get on a helicopter, walking there is not a good idea, it's so cold out here, and we're still not used to this high altitude", I say, walking towards a helicopter I was allowed to borrow, "and DON'T fart inside the helicopter, or we may crash!", I told her, rolling my eyes.

"Hehehe, alright, I won't fart inside the helicopter, so you won't crash. You can't smell my farts if any of us dies, after all~♥", she said, giggling.

I drive the helicopter towards that wall of ice and land nearby, and... it was real, not a mirage. We get out of the helicopter and we look at that.

"Whoa! A wall of ice! And look at that! It seems like it's a passage to another reality!", I say, pointing out at a town surrounded by lush green vegetation, trees, people walking around, and pterodactyls freely flying around through the skies. I thought dinosaurs were extinct? I was wrong, apparently. I love these pterodactylous vibes! "So, the Flat-Earthers were right, let's go!", I say, excited, and we both entered the town. The air was so incredibly warm compared to the south pole, so we took off our extreme cold-resistant clothing and we just walked around in t-shirts and regular pants.

"Murdakia, uh? Never heard of that", I say, a bit confused. This truly is another reality, then.

"Neither have I", she said, shrugging, "let's walk around and see what this place has to offer!", she said, excited. I was excited, too! After all, it seems like I wasn't born too late to explore the Earth! If this is even Earth, because at this point, I'm not sure what this is.

Soon, we heard some strange hardbass music. It came from a portable stereo that a strange guy was bringing around.

"...what kind of illegal thing?", I asked, with a relatively quiet voice, interested on what this guy had to offer.

"Are yellow t-shirts illegal here?", I ask, shocked. What the hell is this place?

"Yo, you two are in Murdakia right now. Of course yellow t-shirts are illegal here", he said, as if it was obvious.

"Uh... what's the punishment for wearing yellow t-shirts around here? A month in jail?", I asked, chuckling.

"My name is confidential information, but I'm known as the 'Murdakian Gopnik', you can call me that way", he said.

"Nice to meet you, Celvinheit and Cecilia. I get it, you're not interested in buying some yellow t-shirts from me. Anyway, if you like hardbass music, there's a hardbass party around here, you can go there if you like", he said, pointing out in a direction, supposedly where the hardbass party was.

"No, I have to work today. I mean, selling yellow t-shirts is my job, I'm a Gopnik, after all. Even in teenage years, I was a huge rebel. I always listened to hardbass in class, the earphones were hidden with my hair so the teacher didn't know", he said, grinning proudly.

"Alright, have a good day, Murdakian Gopnik, we'll go to the hardbass concert!", I say, smiling and waving goodbye, walking towards the hardbass party.

Me and Cecilia were dancing to the hardbass music together, we were having so much fun! We were dancing hard from day to evening, there was beer and vodka available for anyone to drink for free but we just drank water because we don't drink alcohol. We'll keep in mind, no yellow t-shirts, and we can enjoy the hardbass fun!

When we finished partying, we started searching for a hotel to sleep in tonight. Eventually we found one.

"And I've been holding a lot of gas. Get ready to smell a lot of my stinky farts tonight at the hotel~♥", she said, giggling.

Eventually, we got to our room, and started sleeping together in the same bed. Cecilia started cuddling me on the bed.

"Dutch oven...~♥", she said, pulling the blanket over my head and making me bask in her putrid fart fumes in such small enclosed space. It was an absolutely awful and very stinky experience, but this is what living with a gassy girl like Cecilia is like.

The next morning, we woke up, had breakfast, and then decided to keep exploring this new reality together. Driving around in my car (don't ask me how I still have my car, I guess this story here has a few plot holes).

"That's no good! Let's build it again!", she said, with a hammer, paint and some other tools on her hand.

"Alright, alright, you're right, it's no good to keep the fourth wall broken. Better build a new one", I say, helping her rebuilding the fourth wall. We painted it and decorated it with some really cool graffitis, we looked at this magnificent wall that we built and then we kept walking around this new reality, trying to find new places to explore.

After walking for some time, we reached a country called "Potatophobistan". We decided to settle there for about a year, since we were getting tired of walking around aimlessly. Even though I said that there is no such thing as 'home', and that I like exploring, sometimes it's good to settle somewhere, even for a limited period of time. One year of settling in Potatophobistan will be okay. We were slowly running out of money, however, so we tried to find a job. Unfortunately, we haven't found anything, so we turned to criminality. Me and Cecilia were now fries dealers.

"I deal fries, girl, not hash", I told her, rolling my eyes. I hope this girl won't keep wasting my time, I have clients to serve!

"That sounds illegal as fuck!", she said, shocked, "...I want some!", she said, smirking. She seemed very proud to break the law, even at the cost of her life! If the police finds out that she ate fries, they'll shoot her without even a trial or process.

"Alright, please wait here a few minutes, I'll be back soon", I said, walking towards Cecilia, "Hey Cecilia, a girl said she wants fries with ketchup, please 'stimulate' me a bit so I can fulfill her request". Cecilia nodded, she pulled her pants and shoved her ass on my face.

"You're lucky I'm gassy right now, here's a fart for you, so you can put some ketchup on the fries~♥", she said, about to fart on my nose, "MNGHM~♥"

"Eugh... it really stinks... eww.. gahh.. puu...", I say, gasping for air as I could barely breathe because Cecilia's fart smelled horrible as usual, and it was really hard to not throw up, but I must not throw up, the girl wants fries with ketchup, not fries with vomit! Not throwing up was the second hardest thing in my life right now, but it was worth it, because eventually, the ketchup came out.

I walked towards the girl. "Here's your fries with ketchup, girl", I said, she took the fries and gave me some money. Our job is risky, if the police finds out about us, they'll kill us, but we have no choice, it's either this or we starve to death, we'd have almost no money if it was not for our illegal job as fries dealers.

Even though we are criminals, we are getting used to life in Potatophobistan, until some day, something unexpected happens. A public execution!

"Why is this girl getting executed? Did she eat fries?", I ask to a girl. Surely a public execution needs a really serious crime... like eating fries or something containing potatoes!

"Hell no, she's getting crucified because she's too nice!", the girl explained, with a sadistic smile on her face.

"You see, one of the most important laws in Potatophobistan - at least in this particular region - other than the fact that eating potatoes is punished with death, is a law called 'the law of inverted karma'. Basically, every year, the nicest person in this city gets publicly crucified, while the most awful, murderous, sadistic psychopath gets awarded with a huge amount of money and social influence. This should do well to discourage people from being too nice. That's how things work here, and now, shut up, fuck off, and get the fuck away from me, you're interrupting my vision of this delightful show!", she said, with a very arrogant and slightly angry tone in her voice.

Me and Cecilia walked away from the public crucifixion. We were both shocked about this 'law of inverted karma', but perhaps Cecilia was more shocked than I was.

"Well, to be fair, the law of inverted karma exists everywhere, it's just... this city in Potatophobistan happen to codify it as an actual law in their constitution. But if you think about it, what happens anywhere if you're too nice? The people who are less nice than you will take advantage of you, either asking you for favors if you're useful, or actively harming you and using violence against you if you're useless. And what happens if you're manipulative and do anything you can to achieve power, without any moral constraints or empathy for others? That's right, that's how you get to power. Look at the history of our world, Earth, and you'll see exactly what I mean", I told her, sighing, not wanting to accept the reality of power dynamics. The law of inverted karma is a universal thing, it seems.

Due to our job as fries dealers, we now have enough money again to keep exploring this new reality. There are so many weird countries and places that exist here, it seems like this new reality is actually infinite. Soon, we learn that we are finding ourselves in a land called "Pangea", which means "the land of everything", and it's indeed infinite. Infinite opportunities await for us!

"I'm so excited, let's keep exploring Pangea for the rest of our lives!", I tell Cecilia, feeling very excited.

"Sure! I love spending time with you, wherever we are! And you'll have lots of my farts to smell everyday, too~♥", she said, giggling.

I giggle too, as we both gaze at the sunrise. How long have we been here? When did we go to sleep? When did we wake? Ah, I don't even remember, we just keep moving around from city to city in this infinite reality. As we gaze at the sunrise, holding each other's hands, we wonder what new opportunities Pangea will offer us in our lives. I know that's not what Cecilia is thinking, but I believe we live in a simulation. Is there anything beyond this Matrix we live in? Or perhaps Earth was the Matrix, and Pangea is the true reality? Who knows, really. I look at Cecilia's eyes, our lips get closer and we kiss again. It feels so heavenly!

"No, I don't. Earth has never felt my home. You are my home", I told her, hugging her, almost crying. She almost cried, too. "You know what I also don't miss? Social media. All those constant notifications, the desire for likes and subscribers from total strangers you have never met... I didn't like that. Now, here in Pangea, there will be places like that, and places that are not like that. Here's the land of everything, after all", I told her.

Cecilia giggled. "I understand what you mean...", she said, "...you are my home too, Celvinheit", she said, hugging me a bit tighter and sighing, she was almost crying from the emotions.

As the Sun (is it really the Sun?) was slowly rising, we were ready to proceed with our exploration.

"Let's go, Cecilia. We have so much fun ahead!", I told her, excited, ready to live a happy life with her.

"You know, Cecilia, before I met you, I watched fart content on the Internet", I explained her.

"There were games called 'Onara RPG's', which were basically role-playing games with girls farting as the main characters. There were a lot of them, but sadly, the website that they were hosted on started increasing their censorship and most of those videos got removed. There was also a fighting game where girls farted. I saw them back in 2012, I was young but that didn't stop me from watching them. After all, you know that I'm a rebellious guy and I don't respect rules that I find useless. And how useless is was, that I wasn't supposed to watch that stuff until I was 18. Was I really supposed to wait so many years just to watch a video? No way! Before we came to Pangea, fart content started getting a lot more paywalled. You needed to pay money in order to see it, while in the past, all of it used to be free. I didn't like that direction, but I really couldn't blame anyone. Artists need money to survive, too. I really don't blame them, it just felt a bit uncomfortable, but that's all", I explained her.

"I understand, thank you for the explanation!", she told me, smiling, "you don't have to daydream anymore. Now you have me, and I'll fart on your face anytime you want, I'm very gassy, too~♥", she told me, at some point of the sentence using the same words I told her back in Whittier.

"Indeed, I have you... I finally have a home", I say, getting emotional. She hugs me. I laugh a bit. "Let's go, Cecilia. We'll have so much fun exploring this land together"

Lyrics (Full Story)

Geographic South Pole