Gaian Disclaimer: Laughing Jill is not my character, she's taken from a creepypasta, she's the female version of Laughing Jack. All rights belong to the creator(s) of this character (check on the Internet who that is, I'm too lazy to do it myself), there's no copyright infringement intended, I swear! ^-^ :3 *dances happily and is incredibly cute*
Rodinian Disclaimer: Laughing Jill is not my character... she's nobody's (and everybody's) character, because all ideas always existed in Rodinia, the infinite realm of possible ideas, and therefore nobody has "created" this character, only taken it from Rodinia and brought it into Earth in the form a fictional character (long live piracy and cultural appropriation, yay, down with intellectual property of any kind, boooo)! Needless to say, I'm not the first Earthling who have brought her into our planet, so, uh... I guess the credit belongs to whoever did it first *blushes*! There, there, I said it, are you happy now? Hmpf! *crosses arms and pouts offended but still manages to be super adorable*
Warning: sorry to interrupt your philosophical ramblings about the nature of ideas but... shall we mention that this story may be disturbing for some readers? I think that is important as well! *nods satisfied*
Spoiler: yeah that is a good idea! Anyway, someone in this story will...
Warning: shut up, Spoiler!
Spoiler: oh, okay :C
Warning: I mean, I didn't mean to make you sad, Spoiler, I'm sorry, I was a bit too rude... it's just *sighs*... please let the readers enjoy (or hate) this story without telling them what will happen. It's a bad habit of yours, but it's ok, I understand it's not easy to get rid of bad habits, I'm not mad at you at all. Hug? *opens arms*
Spoiler: ok thank you Warning C: *Warning and Spoiler hug each other*
Gaian & Rodinian Disclaimer: can we hug you too, Spoiler?
Spoiler: sure!
Gaian & Rodinian Disclaimer: yay! *hug Spoiler*
Spoiler was being spoiled with hugs and was feeling a lot better!
---
"Today is not Halloween", Jill said, looking at me with creepy eyes.
"W-well...", I started sweating, trying to find out some excuse to justify it, "It may not be Halloween in a chronological sense, but it is in an aesthetical and atmospheric sense...", I said, hoping she'll feel satisfied with this explanation.
"If that is the case, shouldn't you had written something like 'creepypasta' or 'horror story' inside the parentheses? It would had expressed your intended meaning as well. We're in late April, today is not Halloween at all", she said, crossing her arms, sighing.
"If we conceptualize Halloween in terms of its seasonal period, then we can say it's Halloween in the southern hemisphere, in countries like Australia... well, below the tropic of capricorn, at least... New Zealand, Chile, Argentina, Uruguay, South Africa... Antarctica, even... there's no valid reason to only consider the seasons from the perspective of the northern hemisphere!", I say, trying my best to excuse the "Halloween special" in April.
"Ugh... fine...", she said, groaning. I finally convinced her, yay! "But at least, do make me a favour", she added, "there is a typo in the title. You have written 'Laughing Jill's gassy vengeance (Halloween Specual)'. Please, before uploading this story anywhere, correct the typo in the title", she said.
"Oh! I didn't see the typo! Thank you, Jill! I swear, I'll correct the typo in the title before uploading the story! I promise!", I said.
"I hope so...", she said, sighing, "Now I'll live my life... goodbye...", she said, walking away.
=== TWO TWO FIVE GET OUT OF MY MIND GLITCH GLIT̀C̠̀H̷̀ HI funny wheel ≠ happy eel... GLITCHY DUCK ≠ NOBODY TO =̀=̥̀=̷̥̀
FU"AAAHHH!!!!", Mary just woke up, letting out a huge scream. She had a night terror, because of a very strange dream, the first part of which involves strange entities talking with each other about incomprehensible things and offering comforting hugs to one of them who was feeling a bit sad, and the second part of the dream was about her imaginary friend Jill talking to some random person about things she (Mary) did not understand at all. She was feeling terrified of that dream, and for some time her mind was overwhelmed, her body unresponsive. Dreams are weird are meaningless most of the times, but this one paralyzed Mary with fear.
"Are you okay, Mary?", Jill asked her.
"I...", Mary was hyperventilating, almost crying, "I had a terrifying dream"
"Do you want to talk about your dream, Mary?", Jill asked, smiling and trying her best to comfort Mary.
"W-well... in the first part, there were some people... they were talking about ideas or something... something that I couldn't understand... then one of them felt a bit sad and got a lot of hugs from the others... in the second part of the dream, you were there, Jill, you were talking to someone about Halloween, maybe... but I didn't understand it very well... it was so confusing...", Mary mumbled, sighing, "I'll get back to sleep, thank you Jill...", she said, hugging Jill and getting back to sleep.
=⃨̅=⃨̅=⃨̅
Mary had always been a really smart and creative girl since she was a little child, but she lived on the outskirts, far from the city, so she couldn't make friends with other kids and was starting to feel lonely, so she spent all her time with her imaginary friend Jill, she was the perfect friend and Mary had lots of fun with her.
~Depending on your stance regarding the nature of ideas, Mary either *created* Jill (if you believe that an imaginary friend 'exists' in at least some sense, even if not physically), or just imagines Jill (if you believe imaginary friends don't 'exist' under any sense of the word) or, if you believe in Rodinia, then Jill already existed in Rodinia and either, 1) Mary took a mental trip to Rodinia, met Jill there, and then convinced Jill to come to Earth with her and spend time with her, or 2) Jill herself descended to Gaia (Earth) from Rodinia in the form of an imaginary entity (a thoughtform), made friends with Mary and just stayed there~
At the beginning, her parents didn't pay too much attention to it, but over the years, as Mary got older and kept talking with Jill all day, her parents decided to do something about it. They sent Mary to an anti-thoughtform facility and left her there.
The elites thought that Mary did not deserve to live, as her life was contaminated by a particularly vicious thoughtform, one that Mary called her "imaginary friend". Her name was Jill. So, they tied Mary up, and one of them, Mr [UNDEFINED], took a gun and shot Mary, killing her. The elites all nodded and got rid of her dead body, taking it to the outdoor yard and burning it.
Jill was shocked, her best Gaian friend... she was gone... 'they will pay for what they've done', she thought, planning a revenge.
She ran towards Mr [UNDEFINED], grabbed him, tied him up and brought him into an isolated room alone with her.
"W-who are you? What are you doing?", Mr [UNDEFINED] asked, shivering in fear.
"My name is Jill. You killed my best friend Mary, now you'll pay for this", Jill said, with tears in her eyes and rage in her soul.
"Mary didn't deserve to live, she was talking all day with her imaginary friend. That's just unacceptable!", Mr [UNDEFINED] said.
"And guess what, I was that imaginary friend she talked with. She lived too far from the city, so she had no physical friends, and I was always there for her... and now she's gone...", Jill said, crying even more, "I'll make you regret what you have done!", she said, sitting on Mr [UNDEFINED]'s face and pressing her ass on his nose.
"Hey, what are you doing! This is so weird...", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, blushing and feeling confused.
"Happy Halloween, motherfucker!", Jill said, angry.
"W-what?! But we're in April!", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, even more confused.
"Shut up!", Jill said, furious, "Mnghm!"
~PBPRBPRBPRBTTTSSSFFF~
Jill farted right on Mr [UNDEFINED]'s face, and it caught him by surprise, he was shocked, he was really not expecting that, and it smelled really bad too! The smell was disgusting, and Mr [UNDEFINED] wanted to get away from that smelly situation but he was tied up, so he realized he had no choice but to smell Jill's fart and he started shivering in fear, he was hoping that Jill wouldn't fart on him again and that after she smell dissipates, he'd be let free. Of course, Jill had a different idea in her mind.
"How does it smell, uh", Jill said, hoping that it smelled as bad as possible, but Mr [UNDEFINED] was not reacting as disgusted as she'd liked, so luckily for her she had to fart again and she decided to do just that, "Here's another one, idiot!"
~PPPBBBRRRTTTSSSFFF~
Mr [UNDEFINED] started to cough, and Jill was more satisfied, that's what she wanted to hear, "yeah, my farts stink, uh", she said, giggling sadistically, but just hearing coughing was not enough, she wanted to cause even stronger reactions, she wanted to make Mr [UNDEFINED] gag so hard that he would almost throw up, even better if he'll actually throw up! She wanted to give him the stinkiest revenge ever, she knew her farts smelled really bad so it was a great chance for her to inflict the maximum amount of stink on him.
"Please, stop... it reeks...", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, starting to panic, the smell was awful and he couldn't get away, it was really disgusting to breathe in.
"This is your punishment!", said Jill angrily, "ngh..."
~PBRPRBPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF~
"N-no... stop...", Mr [UNDEFINED] was coughing even more heavily, the smell was disgusting, his nose was starting to burn and he correctly felt like he couldn't do anything to escape that fate. Jill was laughing, but her thirst for revenge wasn't yet fulfilled.
"You haven't suffered enough yet", said Jill, "I'll keep punishing you with my farts for a while! Here's some more, ngh!"
~PPPBBBRRRAAATTTSSSFFF~
"Nnn...", Mr [UNDEFINED] was suffering from Jill's stinky punishment, he was gagging, he wasn't too far from throwing up, and Jill decided to kept farting on him over and over again, 'what he did is unforgivable', she thought, preparing to let out more stinky farts on his face.
~PBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF~
Mr [UNDEFINED] threw up a little bit in his mouth, but Jill was not satisfied yet, she decided to fart on Mr [UNDEFINED]'s face a little more, and then her next targets will be the other anti-thoughtform doctors, and finally, Mary's parents. She has a lot more gas to let out on their faces. Her revenge has just begun. "Imaginary friends cause a certain part of the brain to fire signals, which creates perception, just like the photons reflected from a physical chair or a table that reach your retinas and force the brain to create an image purely based from those signals! Under an interpretation of materialism solely based on neurochemical impulses, the distinction between a physical object and a thought is arbitrary! Take this!", Jill said, feeling even more gassy, farting on Mr [UNDEFINED]'s nose again, "NNNGGGHHHH!!!"
~PBRPBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF~
"NNNRGGGHHH!!!", Jill's fart was so stinky that Mr [UNDEFINED] was losing his mind, he breathed in and the smelly fumes that came out of Jill's ass flooded his nostrils. The stench was abominable.
"Haha, you deserved it, you killed my best friend!", Jill said, gassy as always, "Here's another one. NGH!"
~PBRPBRAAAPPPBBBRRRTTTSSSFFF~
"Aaahhh, right on your nose~", Jill said, grinning, but she was not satisfied yet, "do you think skunk girls' farts are stinky?", Jill asked to Mr [UNDEFINED], who panicked, because he wondered whether the right answer would give him freedom.
"Y-yes!!!", he said, hoping that was the right answer.
"Hmm", Jill was rubbing her chin, thinking, while her ass was still on Mr [UNDEFINED]'s nose, "do skunk girls exist?", Jill asked.
"N-no... not that I'm aware of...", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, getting a little confused.
"Then, how can someone who does not exist have stinky farts?", Jill asked.
"I... I don't know...", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, not knowing what to say. Jill just sighed, and... she farted on his nose again.
~PBRAAAPPPBBBRRRTTTSSSFFF~
"URGH, IT STINKS!!!", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, complaining about the stink, due to which he was starting to go crazy. Jill laughed. She was laughing Jill, after all.
"Haha! Of course it stinks, I'm farting up your nostrils!", Jill said, pointing out the obvious, "Does Santa Claus have a beard?", she asked him.
"Yes, he does! He has a white beard!", Mr [UNDEFINED] said.
"Does Santa Claus exist?", Jill asked.
"No, of course not!", Mr [UNDEFINED] said.
"How can someone who does not exist have a beard? Is it really possible for a beard to belong to nobody? But if it belongs to nobody, then it's not Santa's beard. Does Santa's beard exist?", Jill asked.
"I... I don't know...", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, nervous.
"Earlier, you said that Santa's beard is white. Only things that exist have colors, which are nothing more than reflections of specific wavelengths of visible electromagnetic radiation that hits our retinas. Therefore, if something does not exist, it cannot reflect radiation, and therefore it cannot have the color. So, if Santa's beard is white, it necessarily exists. Do you still hold this belief?", Jill asked.
"Uh... maybe?", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, sweating.
~PBRPBRPBRPBRTTTSSSFFF~
"If you subscribe to a Meinongian ontology, just say it, pumpkinfucker!", Jill said, losing her patience.
"I DO! I DO! I ADMIT IT! MERCY!!!", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, begging for mercy as the stench of Jill's farts was filling his lungs.
"Tsk, I knew it!", "Alexius Meinong, a philosopher of the early 20th century. His ontology includes things that don't exist, as well as impossible things. Those things can also be said to have properties, according to him. So, Santa Claus does not exist, but nonetheless, he has the property of having a white beard and living at the North Pole. Hmpf, it's not that bad of an idea, now that I think of it. Some philosophers mocked him, calling his ontology 'the Meinong's jungle'. Such a jungle does not exist, and yet, it can be said to have properties. Do you want to find out what properties the Meinong's jungle has, Mr [UNDEFINED]", Jill asked.
"Uh... I guess... I think I do... no more farts, please!", Mr [UNDEFINED], begging for mercy.
"Alright, no more farts", Jill said, and Mr [UNDEFINED] let out a sigh of relief, "after this one"
~BRBRBRBAAPPPPTTTSSSFFF~
"URGH!!!", Mr [UNDEFINED] was going crazy from the stench, and Jill was laughing: she was laughing Jill! Then, she untied Mr [UNDEFINED] and grabbed his arm.
"See that door over there?", Jill said, "that's the door that brings to the Meinong's jungle", she explained.
"B-but how? That door wasn't there before!", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, confused.
"It wasn't there before, you're right, but now it's there. You know, things change over time, they don't remain the same", Jill said, opening the door of the Meinong's jungle and pushing Mr [UNDEFINED] there, "have fun", she said, closing the door. Mr [UNDEFINED] tried to open the door but it brought nowhere, it was just a door in the middle of a jungle! Mr [UNDEFINED] turned around and he saw a triangle whose sum of internal angles was 200 degrees!
"I can't believe my own eyes...", Mr [UNDEFINED] mumbled, grabbing a protractor from the ground and measuring the angles. The angle on top was 90 degrees, the angle on the bottom left was 55 degrees, and the angle on the bottom right was 55 degrees. He measured the angles with the protractor and they were all correct! "How can it be...", he mumbled, shocked. He measured the angles again... 90... 55... 55... all correct and precise. Total sum of the internal angles = 200. He walked a few steps backwards, to see the entire triangle. "That triangle looks so weird... I'm starting to feel lightheaded...", he mumbled to himself, and then he passed out. He woke up, still in the jungle, but he was tied up to a tree. After some time, a soccer ball almost hit Mr [UNDEFINED] in the face. "Hey! Be careful!", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, and a group of skunk girls with soccer clothings showed up.
"Fufufu~", one of the skunk girls giggled.
"Who are y'all?", Mr [UNDEFINED] asked.
"We are the Skunk Girl Los Angeles Soccer Team", one of the skunk girls explained, "sorry about the soccer ball, we didn't know somebody was there", she added, "why are you tied up to a tree, by the way?", she asked, raising en eyebrow.
"I don't know... I was looking at a triangle that shouldn't exist... then I passed out, and I woke up here, tied up!", Mr [UNDEFINED] explained.
"Fufufu, this is an amazing opportunity~", one of the skunk girls said.
"W-wait, w-what do you want to do?", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, as the skunk girls were getting closer to him with a mischievous smirk on their faces. One of them placed her ass on Mr [UNDEFINED]'s nose.
☣PBRPBPBPBRTTTSSSFFF☣
"MGAAAHHH!!! This is worse than anything I've ever smelled!!!", Mr [UNDEFINED] said, with his eyes watering, while the stench was making him want to vomit. The skunk girls laughed, this was just the beginning of Mr [UNDEFINED]'s torment, and it already stank like crazy!
To be continued.