WARNING: This story does NOT contain farting. Proceed at your own boredom!
October 2, 2020.
"Dear Diary, I'm probably the saddest guy on the planet. Nobody likes me, everyone hates me, and I never get what I want. Could my life be worse than this?"
It's another shitty day here on planet Earth. I don't even have the strenght to write that much. I'm depressed. I watch videos on the Internet, but that's it. I have no one to chat with, neither on the Internet, neither on the phone, let alone in real life. Even my parents are always screaming to me and act unlovingly.
What should I do? I can't even cry, I'm just sad. I'm not even in the mood of playing videogames. The Internet is full of hatred, I don't want to be exposed to it, so I don't even bother trying to have a conversation with someone I don't know, because there's a great chance we will fight. It's not like the real life is different, anyway.
I'm not comfortable neither at home, nor at school. I'm never comfortable. Today is Friday, and I have to wait a couple of days before I go to school again. But even at school, I don't have the chance to talk with anyone. Nobody cares about me.
What am I doing? I'm watching relaxing videos on the Internet, especially personal attention ASMR videos. I feel so loved, but when I think they are not made just for me, I feel even sadder than before.
I want to eat comfort food, but my parents don't buy it because they think it's unhealthy. Nothing can comfort me. I never feel any pleasure in my life, why is it worth living like this?
There's no hope for me, I might even end my life, but I'm not brave enough to do that. The world really sucks, but I know I'm not the only one who's going through this. There are so many people like me. The world is a prison, I want to be free. But.. in spite of this, I still see the people around me as happy. How is it possible? How can they be so happy? I really want to die and end all this suffering. I'm lonely as a polar bear. I don't want to live anymore, but I have to.
I'm eating dinner, and then going to sleep. I don't have anything to do, by the way. Or better, I can't do anything. Sleeping helps me, I bet it feels like dying.
October 3, 2020
It's Saturday, and the depressing week-end begins. Not that the other days aren't depressing, uhhh, I'm suffering so much. Why am I alive? Do I really deserve this? I really have no hope, I will never be happy. No one in my class ever talks to me. I hate my life! I cannot even smile. An aura of darkness surrounds me.
Tomorrow will be Sunday. Another depressing day. Maybe I should start to think with some positivity, but how? I'm lonely af, my parents hate me, everyone hates me, and I've got nothing to do. I watch personal attention ASMR videos, but I know that NOBODY would treat me like that. My classmates are not that kind. The only thing I do is to imagine how great would my life be if everyone were loving and caring, but that's far from the reality. I have waited years and it has not happened. That whispering voice is annoying by the way.
It feels like I need to bang my head against the wall, but of course I won't do that. This is going to be a long day. Or for better saying, two long days. What should I do? I see videos on the Internet and read something. Maybe I should play some videogames, but what? I don't have Flash Player on my personal computer so I can't play games. Ahh, I remember when I couldn't watch YouTube videos many years ago because I didn't have Flash Player. Now, things have changed, and I can watch YouTube videos but not play videogames. All I see in the YouTube comment section is insults and hatred. I want to defend that person who got insulted, I know how that feels.
I just wrote a nice comment to him. Wow, it feels good. But it certainly would feel better to receive the same love I gave him. Maybe I have an opportunity on Monday. I'll think about it tomorrow, because today I'm tired and stressed, so my thought ability is impaired.
October 4, 2020
I'm going to check my comment. He thanked me. Maybe the world isn't ENTIRELY made of bad people. I have a small hope for humankind. So, what should I do tomorrow? I can't just tell everyone I meet that I'm lonely and I need a friend. No-no. But they need to know that I'm lonely. Maybe I could hold and sign that says I'm lonely? That could be a good idea, I can't wait for it to be tomorrow! Now I just have to wait for this day to end. It's morning, so it's going to be a long time. I listen to music on the Internet and play a videogame that I just downloaded about space exploration.
It's 3 P.M. and I'm getting bored. I don't know what else I can do. I'm making music on the Internet and it sounds good. I'm creative. I'm excited for tomorrow, I'm really looking forward to it. What will happen? I hope everything will play well. Hours are passing, and I'm getting sleepy, so I go to sleep and wait for tomorrow. I can't sleep well, but I think the wait is going to worth it.
October 5, 2020
I'm at school, and I'll be in class until it's lunch time. Nothing to say now.
It's lunch time, and I'm finally brave enough to hold a sign that says:"I'm lonely, please talk to me". Someone watches me but walks away, and there is a group of girls that watched me and laughed. Ten minutes have passed, and nobody came near me. Yesterday I was so excited but now I know that it's not worth it. Nobody wants to talk with me, and I should accept my doom. Life sucks, really. There's nothing I can do to improve it. How can people accept such a filthy fate? It seems people don't care about suffering. Maybe they are happier and more surrounded by friends than me. Maybe I'm the only one that's suffering. Maybe centuries from now people will be nice and caring like I would need, but now it's a cold-hearted wasteland. I'm waiting and nobody shows up, and some people even laugh at me. Why are people so unkind? I have done nothing wrong. I want the society to be more friendly, but that won't happen anytime soon.
Suddenly, I see a girl. The look in her eyes was different from the other people's. She came near me, smiled and asked me if I needed a hug. She has awesome black hair.
"Would you like a hug?", she asked, smiling.
"Yes, please", I replied, shy.
She hugged me for, like, 30 seconds.
"Thank you", I said.
"I like making people happy. It feels good to know someone is happy because of you. It makes a big difference in the world", she said, smiling.
I now feel really good and relaxed, is that because of the hug, because of her friendliness, or both? I think both.
"I'm really lonely. Nobody in my class talks to me, and when I go home, my parents ignore me, not even them want to talk to me. I spend almost all the time in my bedroom doing nothing and I feel bad", I explained.
"I'm sorry for this. No one deserves to be like this. Don't worry, I will be your friend, and I'll listen to you everytime you need. Let's go to the park together this afternoon, we will chat and be happy", she said, smiling and touching my shoulder.
"My parents will never let me go out with someone, I'm doomed", I said.
"I can come to your house", she said.
"No, you can't. My parents don't accept visitors that are not our relatives", I explained.
"That's not good. You can only be outside during school hours, right?", she asked.
"You got it", I said.
"Eh, let me think. We can't ask our teachers to go to the park during lesson..."
She paused.
"What's wrong?", I asked.
"Nothing wrong, I'm just thinking", she said.
I waited.
"So?", I asked.
"You can tell your parents I'm helping you studying something you don't understand", she said, smiling.
"Okay", I said.
I don't know if this will work.
"Hey mom! Teachers have explained something new and I don't understand it. Luckily, there's a student that is willing to explain it to me. Can I come home three hours later?"
"No! I'll explain it to you! Don't be late!", she said, screaming.
I closed the phone call.
"She is scary", said the kind girl, who heard my mom's voice tone.
"What can we do?", I asked, almost crying.
"Can you message me? I'll give you my number", she said, trying to comfort me.
"Yes...", I said. I'm about to cry.
"Why I have to suffer like this?", I thought loudly.
"Don't worry, I'm here for you", she said, hugging me.
Lunch time is over, and I'm back to my classroom.
I'm so sad I can't even follow the lesson. I'll never be happy. It's such a long lesson. I see hell in front of me. I have absolutely no hope. I shall retreat and never hope again. I let myself drown in the hands of the demons. I abandon all hope, and I'll be forever lost. There's nowhere to run away. I'm a worthless individual and don't deserve to feel any joy. Hell awaits.
Lesson is over and I have to come home.
Surprisingly, I see that girl. Her dad (I think?) is talking to the phone with my mother.
"Based on what he said, we evaluated his condition and he can't keep living like that. So, if he wants, he's going to spend the afternoon with my daughter, no discussion"
The girl ran at me, smiling. "After insisting a lot, your parents reluctantly agreed so we can stay together, do you want to stay with me?", she asked.
The expression on my face was obviously sad.
"Please, hug me", I said.
She smiled and said:"Sure!", and she hugged me for a long time.
"Thank you, but I need to be hugged often", I confessed.
"How often?", she asked.
"Like, four times a day?", I said.
"Great! I'll do that!", she said, smiling as always.
"You are the kindest person I've ever met!", I said, on the verge of crying.
"I'm glad to know you like me. I like you too!", she said.
I can't hold it anymore, I'm crying.
She held my hands.
"Don't cry, I'm here", she said, smiling.
"Can... we... see each other every day?", I asked.
"Sure! We'll be friends forever", she said.
I keep crying even harder. This feeling is so intense.
I look at her face. It's a heavenly sight. Everything I wanted is here. I finally found someone who loves me unconditionally for who I am. I found an extremely kind person. I'm glad something like this happened. My vision is blurred due to all the tears I have in my eyes.
Knowing I like to be hugged often, she hugged me again.
"I'm so happy", I said.
"Me too. We'll chat and smile a lot together", she said.
Yes. We'll chat and smile a lot together.