It was a dark evening, and ʁɘɮɞɬ was feeling lonely, like he constantly did.
[How to stop feeling lonely]
That's the query he searched for on the ɹʌðʊ̈χ search engine. He scrolled the web pages until he found about an obscure philosophy that can help people discover the hidden meaning of everything.
(I want to know more about this philosophy), he thought.
He started reading about this philosophy called Aletism, but it seemed extremely complicated to him, so he gave up and went to sleep.
The next morning, he felt lonely again, and he decided to try reading about Aletism again. Everything in that guide was extremely complicated to him, but he started reading it carefully without expecting himself to understand everything since the beginning. After spending six hours reading Aletism's introduction, he felt like something was changing in his mind. He started feeling less lonely.
(Nah, this *must* be a placebo effect), he thought, and prepared some lunch for himself.
(I can't control what I feel. My loneliness will never end!), he thought, unhappy.
He was eating some ɸɯ̽tɬʼɛ and deeply focused on what he was feeling.
(What is the cause of this feeling? Can I prevent it from happening? Perhaps it's just my ungranted desire to have social interactions that is the cause of my unhappiness. How can I make my wishes come true, though?), he thought, feeling helpless.
He finished his lunch and went back into reading the sacred book of Aletism.
He spent eight consecutive hours reading that book, and some things started becoming clear to him.
(Perhaps I don't need to make my wishes come true. I need to stop struggling against reality), he thought, feeling less lonely. He noticed that he wasn't feeling happy, rather, the feeling of loneliness started becoming more dull.
He started eating dinner, and for the first time in a while, loneliness was not a huge problem anymore for him. He thought that philosophy was helping him.
Today was a really exciting day for him, and he was ready to go to sleep. Tomorrow he will continue reading that book. He was feeling a bit excited, because his life was going to improve dramatically, thanks to that philosophy.
The next morning, the first thing that ʁɘɮɞɬ did was reading the sacred book of Aletism again. He felt like his emotions (both positive and negative) were slowly being drained by an unknown force, but he wasn't paying a lot of attention into that detail.
The clearer things became, the less intense his emotions became. He realized he could stop feeling lonely, but at which price? Will he ever feel happy in his life? For so long he has felt loneliness, anxiety and sadness in his life, he just wanted to feel happy and cheerful, but somehow he now starts realizing that perhaps happiness is not something that he could ever feel, but is not feeling any emotion better than feeling sad? He started asking himself many questions, but there was no one except Aletism who could answer them. In a way, Aletism was his only friend.
Does life have any meaning? Is eternal happiness achievable? Can Aletism answer any question? ʁɘɮɞɬ was starting to understand the essence of the reality he lives in. Perhaps reality should be accepted, no matter how cruel it is. Perhaps one should do their best to survive in this harsh reality for as long as they can.
ʁɘɮɞɬ was feeling less lonely. It was as if Aletism was keeping him company by imparting him a lot of knowledge and wisdom (but at which price?). He felt accepted and understood by that philosophy, but he also felt like he was somehow merging with it.
(My sadness is about to end), he thought, not feeling sad anymore, (but why am I not happy? I can't feel anything), he thought.
His emotions became dull. The happiness he was seeking for seemed to be distant and weak. He thought it was like living in a lukewarm limbo, where nothing ever happens. (Maybe I will find the answer on how to be happy later in that book), he thought. Even his feeling of hope was weak, but he needed to carry on.
Everyday, it is the same. He wakes up, and feels no happiness. Will he ever feel happy, one day? He wondered whether his best and only friend Aletism would help him smile again. What is the reason of smiling if you have no one to share your good moments with, though? He wondered if he was doomed with being alone forever. Being alone was starting not to bother him anymore, but does that mean he will not be able to feel happy if this loneliness ends? He thought that Aletism can both be a blessing and a curse, but on average, it feels like nothing. It is comparable to the death of one's emotions. He slowly stopped wishing to have social interactions with other people. They never happen, anyway, so why struggling and suffering because of it? It is a waste of one's energies to try to fight against reality. Just stop wishing for things to happen, and accept reality as it is. He now doesn't wish his life to be any different than what it is now. He knows that he is becoming enlightened by philosophy, he doesn't need any friend other than Aletism. Things are just the way they are, no need to feel any emotion, especially for things we cannot control. We are not animals, are we? We have reason and intellect, and we can suppress most of our emotions with proper training, such as the one Aletism provides. ʁɘɮɞɬ was becoming enlightened, indeed. He knew he didn't need to feel happiness or any other useless emotion anymore. He now practices meditation exercises to feel One with the Absolute Truth. He got rid of his former useless wishes, and with them, he also got rid of his sadness. No more sadness in his life, he doesn't need it. He probably won't ever feel happy, but it's okay, he doesn't need to feel happy either.
4/3πr³, did Aletism devour ʁɘɮɞɬ's soul? √(-1)
i² = -1
ʁɘɮɞɬ was able to understand reality better now. He realized how vulnerable he was {just like [every (human being)]}, but that didn't bother him in the slightest, that is just how things work in his reality. As the feeling of being One with the Absolute Truth intensifies, he could see patterns he couldn't see before. He knews that things are just the way they are, randomly generated through a seed that configurates matter and energy in every possible combination. Aletism gave ʁɘɮɞɬ the answers for every question he had, now it's time for him to pay the favour back. He should accept everything that the Absolute provides him. No complaining, no complimenting, just passively receiving information and getting rid of any inner brain-wave through meditation. He has now officially become emotionless. There is no use in participating in your own hobbies and having fun anymore. Just eat, drink and sleep. You only need to survive, nothing else.
(Is this what I really want?), he asked himself, wondering whether Aletism was something he wanted to give his life to. However, he realized that without Aletism, he would feel way worse than he's feeling now. At least Aletism provides some shelter from the negativity that was ubiquitous in his reality. He just wanted to feel happy, at least for a moment, but he needed someone to share his emotions with. He needed to be comforted by a nice and caring person, but this is probably never gonna happen. However, is Aletism the best alternative that his reality can provide? Provided that he will always be alone, can he ever feel happy and be alone at the same time? Do you really need someone else to be happy?
Do you?
(Perhaps I do not), he wondered, (I need to get rid of Aletism as soon as I can. I have read the whole book, I got all the answers I could ever dream of, but this is not the lifestyle I want to live).
He practiced some "anti-meditation" (e.g. dancing, singing, listening to music and smiling) and he felt a weird feeling he didn't feel for a while. (Is this happiness?), he wondered. It felt good, indeed. (I don't need anyone else to validate my feelings. I can be happy by myself, I am emotionally independent!)
Aletism's sacred book's last paragraph said "You will find happiness by thinking for yourself, not by following a certain philosophy, including this one. I hope you have learned your lesson.". ʁɘɮɞɬ thought about it, and laughed a bit. (Yes, Aletism has taught me not to follow any ideology, except for my own ideas. I know myself better than anyone else). He smiled and realized that sometimes life is how you choose to see it. There are worse things that could happen than just being lonely.
(Thank you, Aletism, I will always remember the good things you have taught me), he thought, smiling.
He realized that finding happiness is not easy. Many people in his country killed themselves because they couldn't find it, but ʁɘɮɞɬ wanted to spread the message that if someone is lucky enough to be happy, they should not be sad out of empathy towards depressed people. They should enjoy their happy life and realize how lucky they are. Sometimes people take things (like food and friends) for granted, but not everybody has (enough) food or friends, so what ʁɘɮɞɬ wanted was that many people should realize how lucky they are.
He went outdoors.
The sky was dark and overcast, and there was a light icy breeze that made him shiver a bit, but despite the gloomy weather, he smiled and felt a feeling of lightness. Sadness is not over, it will come again and again, but that's perfectly natural. The cold wind made his hair messy and his hands numb.
He came back inside.
(I shouldn't give my loneliness too much importance. Being alone is okay. It's not the best feeling ever, but there's nothing I can do to change this fact, so it's better to just accept it and carry on), he thought, accepting his life and his reality the way it is, with all its flaws, but also with all its beauty. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't have wishes, just don't let them overwhelm you with negative thoughts.
He realized that the only person who can save you from yourself, is indeed yourself, and even though other people can temporarily comfort you, ultimately coming out of the mess you have in your brain is an effort you have to make yourself.
Not everyone manages to do it, though. Many people kill themselves specifically because they don't manage to do it. ʁɘɮɞɬ will probably be fine, though.
(I will be fine. I'm strong), he thought, smiling and proud of himself.
The fight is not over yet, he now needs to get rid of his negative feelings for as long as he can. A thousand stellar revolutions without sadness might be long enough to win the fight. He decided he will wait and try to fight with any means necessary. The future is so uncertain, but he's positive that he's gonna win this fight against his inner demons.
An afternoon of happiness is not enough. The planet should revolve around its star at least a thousand times, and one should not feel sad during the whole event in order for this declaration of victory to be made. ʁɘɮɞɬ was feeling hopeful, and this war has just begun. He smiled and prepared himself for this battle. He knew he was going to win, it was just a matter of time. So much has happened in his life, and so much will happen. In spite of the fact that he was feeling lonely, his life is not so boring after all!
(The time is right, I'm ready to fight!)