Hi guys! I just want to apologize for not writing any stories, but the school is really overwhelming. I have to study a lot and I cannot write anymore stories about farts. I really loved those stories, but let's face it, I'm having trouble having free time. Nowadays, they ask you to be a doctor in astrophysics or something, because even if I write down everything I know, I still get a D. Since October, I cannot have free time anymore. School is really a prison. I want to break free from this jail. Nowadays, I'm extremely busy, so, forgive me, I'll not write you stories anymore. Teachers, I will make you pay for this! You're going to regret what you've done. I will never forgive you. Now my fans cannot read my stories as often as they'd like to. I'm going to give you a lesson you'll never forget. This is a promise. Everyone will thank me after I do this. Every kid will thank me, they will not have to study anymore, they will be free. This is the day everything will change, it's February 14, 2017. Everything will be better, and teachers are going to receive a hard lesson. This is my word. It's a promise, and you should always trust a word from me.
My name is Rita Lector, and I'm 14yo girl from Cincinnati, Ohio. It's been 2 years since I killed someone from the first time. I've killed 58 people since then. I know it's not as high as my uncle Hannibal's of 65, but one day I will surpass it! Wondering how I kill? You'll never guess it! I... just fart, but my farts are so stinky than if I do it in a small room, it can kill someone. Doctors have examined me, and on average, I produce one liter of hydrogen sulfide per fart. Meaning a small room will smell as if 35 rotten eggs were placed under your nostrils. That is why almost no one is able to stand the smell of my farts. Their smell is just overwhelming. I have farted twice in our classroom, and we had to move until the smell was gone (3 days). But this time, I will fart in a small room and close our teachers in it. This time it's going to work. And then the day begins. It's a tuesday, a hella stinky tuesday.
I get up, have breakfast, take and shower and get dressed. I'm really stressed because of the homework, but this time things are going to change.
<<Bye mom!>>, I said.
<<Bye Rita, please, don't bully anyone today>>, she said.
<<Well, it depends on their behaviour, bye!>>, I said, and hugged her.
The bus comes, and everyone who knows me watches me with fear.
I paid the ticket, and then the bus started.
A dollar fell from my wallet, and I was about to pick it up, when a guy (who is probably 18) who thought he was "strong" could bully me.
<<This is mine!>>, he said.
<<Actually, this is mine, but I can give it to you, you seem a nice boy!>>, I said.
<<Do you want a punch in your face?>>, he said.
<<No, thank you>>, I said.
<<I think you do!>>, he said.
<<You will regret it>>-<<What are you going to do, princess?>>
He pulled my hair and I farted.
PRRRRRRRRRR
A loud and two second long fart, which stunk up the whole bus.
He held his nose, closed his eyes and said:<<What the hell are you? A human gas leak? It's unbearable!>>
The other people were gasping for air, so they opened the windows and stuck their heads out the windows. The driver was getting overwhelmed by the smell and couldn't drive properly, but still, he got us to school. After he did, the driver went out the bus and took a deep breath.
<<I don't want to drive that bus anymore, a girl farted and it stinks so much!>>, he said.
And I was kinder than usual, and I farted just ONCE. People complain way too much.
What I will do to our teachers will not be cute. I entered the school. Everyone stayed away from me, except of my friend Erika.
<<Hi Erika!>>, I said.
<<Hi Rita! Today's going to be a really stressful school day. Have you done your homework?>>, she asked.
<<No. Hey, I have to talk with you privately, you have to help me!>>, I said.
We went to the toilet, and I said.
<<Today I want to make our teachers pay for all the homework they give us. I got a hallway permit for us two, and whenever a teacher comes into this room, which is supposed to be an audition for the best teacher ever, we'll lock him in and make him smell our farts. We'll not let him go until he promises us he'll never give homework or tests again. And we'll be the heroes of our days>>, I said.
<<Great idea Rita! That's exactly what everyone wants!>>, said Erika.
<<And the best thing is... I've eaten a lot of beans and eggs, and then I drank milk. I can fart multiple times and the room will get unbreathable>>, I continued.
<<Tell me about how you grew up with farts>>, asked Erika.
<<When I was 10, my cousin Brian went to my home. He wanted to watch ben 10, but I wanted to watch Fairy Oddparents. He was allergic to my gas, so he fainted. And then, 2 years later, I killed him>>, I said.
<<Why did you kill him?>>, he asked, seemingly starting to cry.
<<Because he was stupid, don't remember? You helped me!>>, I said.
<<I'm a bit sad for it, though>>, she said.
Erika was a good girl, she was not like me. I'm evil, I use my farts to do evil things.
<<Someone is coming! Quick!>>, I said.
A male teacher entered the room, and Erika locked immediately the door.
<<Rita!!! Oh...>>, said the teacher. I'm a very famous girl, just because of my lethal flatulence.
<<Are you the best teacher ever?>>, I asked.
<<I think so, only 10% of my students get a grade lower than a D>>, he replied, blabbering.
<<Please, sit down, we'll talk!>>, I said.
<<Yes, you'll just talk!>>, replied Erika, giggling.
<<Please, don't... expell your gas>>, requested the teacher with fear.
<<I'm sorry, I ate, eggs!>>, I replied.
PFFFFFFFFF
I farted silently, but the smell eventually spread across the room. The teacher was trying to escape from my fumes, but he's not going anywhere.
<<Please, let me go!>>, he asked.
<<You're a teacher, I hate you just because of that!>>, I replied, farting again.
The air in the room became unbreathable, and the teacher cried.
<<Please, I don't do anything wrong... *cough*>>, said the teacher.
<<I don't care, I like killing!>>, I replied.
<<You're messed up, girl>>, he replied. I farted again and he died.
<<And this is my fifty-ninth victim, another seven to go!>>, I said to my friend Erika.
I need to kill seven more people to reach a death toll of 66, then, I'll surpass my uncle Hannibal, who has killed 65. That's what I want to do, I don't care about people, I just want to show that I'm dangerous, and I can kill anyone with my farts. I successfully trained my friend Erika to be able to stand my farts, so she will not die. If she can, why others cannot? I know my farts are lethal, but there must be a reason if people cannot stand them. I'm gassy, I known, but, something's wrong. I have to show people that my farts are innocuous. They all have to face their phobias, their inner fears, to be able to leave peacefully and without any anxiety. I'm helping people. You cannot always be happy, you have to suffer as well. Life without suffering simply isn't life.
<<What do you want to do, Rita?>>, asked Erika.
<<I want to kill other seven teachers, that's what I want to do, when I'll kill 66 people, I'll be really happy!>>, I replied.
<<Let's do it!>>, said Erika, without enthusiasm.
I'm starting to wonder if Erika really wants to kill people, she doesn't seem so cheerful about that, she seems a bit sad. Nevermind, if she doesn't tell me, how can I know? I'm a silent killer, I have no mercy, all of the world will despair, drowning in my putrid stench. To whom's there, decayed and rank. Your nose will melt, pain will be felt, perishing world, die by my sword.
<<What are you thinking about?>>, asked Erika.
<<I'm thinking about myself, I'm the farting princess of my Stinky Kingdom!>> -
<<Everyone will pay me a tribute, when I ascend to the throne!>> -
<<If you say so...>>, replied Erika.
<<What's wrong?>>, I asked.
<<Nothing, really>>, she replied.
<<I'm so happy! I'm about to achieve a not so easy goal!>>, I said.
<<If you are happy, I'm happy as well!>>, replied Erika, smiling.
Another person will come, and I'll have killed 60 people. The goal is getting near. I am the mistress of the world, everyone will bow down to me!
59 is simply not enough, I need another 6 people to kill. All the world will be governed under my reign of terror. Sulphuric rains will sweep the Sahara, all the trees in the Amazonic Forest will die from the dry stinky air, an inch of putrid snow will blanket Los Angeles, and Antarctica will melt by the heat of my farts! Behold, humans, for my Kingdom is coming.
The climate will change. We'll have stinky precipitations, the air quality will be lowered by my hydrogen sulfide, which will reach concentrations as high as 10 ppm. I will not provide people something to clean the air in their houses, they'll have to breathe in my stinky air. I'm sad, because olfactory fatigue will kick in, and people will not be able to smell my gag inducing farts. This is why I have to fart in their faces if they don't behave like I want. I will force people to heat their houses to 90 °F. A lower temperature found in their house will mean a death sentence from my butt. I will force them to drink the volcanic water, which is hot and smells like rotten eggs. They'll have to do cold showers. I will contaminate their food with my sneezes, I'll not let them stay in their bed for more than 8 hours, and their Internet will be censored. And if someone complains, they will get MY butt side of the joke.
A teacher is coming, and it will be his soon to be melted nose to decay. Soon, in my reign, the lowest tolerate concentration of Hydrogen Sulfide is 5 ppm, anything below that, I'll arrest them, and they'll have to endure it with my butt.
So, why not to start from now? I'll kill another person, and they'll be 60. I'm reaching my so wanted goal. I cannot escape from my fate, I have to do My job. I could do this all day, killing the first person was horrible, but then, I got used to it, and now I can do it freely, just thinking it's My will.
[...]
This is the first part of the story, I wanted to post it all on Christmas but I can't finish it for that time, because, like Rita, I'm extremely busy.